Archive for the The Highpriestess’ Girlfriends’ Guidebook Category

Lesson #07 of the Girlfriends’ Guidebook.

Posted in The Highpriestess' Girlfriends' Guidebook on November 24, 2006 by meera

How To Deal With Rumour Mongor-ing 

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                                            Photo courtesy of www.tribuneindia.com

I’m writing this because I have heard of too many dear girlfriends suffering a similar fate. So take heed!

Every chic, hot, fortunate girlfriend is familiar with this. You are so good and so famous and so interesting and your life is so juicy, that it is always up as conversation fodder and is always a hot topic. There is this strange thing about relatives. It is a little annoying.
I’m sure I don’t speak for myself.

The funniest thing is that everyone wants to one-up the other, even though there is absolutely no basis, or the other scenario being, comparison is just way out of line. Other than this, it is the absolute involvement in other people’s lives which is of no concern to them. What I don’t understand is that if you are so concerned about someone, would you not speak to them personally? Honestly, what is there to fear?

I have come across so many rumour mongers in my whole life, that I am absolutely tired of it. Nothing much rattles me anymore. (as many of you know, I have heard enough to last me fifteen lifetimes.) From friends, to close friends, to not-so-good friends, to the ex, to ex-friends and of course to the relatives. Infact, when I hear rumours, I sympathise and laugh a little. Then you realise that once they have run out of things to talk about, they’ll either a) make up a fictional tale on how you ran away to Timbaktu and got hitched to a shepherd or b) make cruel, unneccesary, malicious jokes to soothe their sorry egos. See. Either way, why care?

It’s good to have a sense of humour because you know, in the end, that you yourself don’t give a crap about someone else’s life since all that matters to you is that of your loved ones and of course, of yourself. This of course comes after years of exposure to said rumour-mongers. See, never trust someone who bitches about someone else infront of you. Because you know, they’ll probably be doing the same about you.  And the only reason they have so much to say, is because they have some sort of insecurity about themselves. C’mon, chica, not everyone is as hot and interesting as you! Be flattered you make conversation headlines.

However, this is not to say that I hate my relatives. I don’t have the habit of hating. Because if you hate, it means you still care. (courtesy of DH) I love some of them to bits and am very protective, and some, well, just amaze me from time to time. I have been called stuck-up, self-righteous and even wealthy. It is funny, because most of my friends know that is not true. (Of course, some do concede that I have a slightly stuck-up, attitudal face. But hey, I was born with it!!!)

Here’s a shout out to all those who are facing a barrage of troublesome, meddlesome people.  I know of a few girlfriends who are facing this problem. I say, fuhhhhhget it. Refer to two posts ago, D’s comment. No matter where you’re gonna be, no matter who you are with, no matter who you’re not with, no matter if you study hard or play hard, no matter if you have a terrible dress sense or a fantabulous one, people who are chockful of insecurities will still find something to occupy themselves with. You know, conversation inspira. And if you find yourself being that one too many a time, girlfriend, you must be something. Feel flattered. And take pity. (they arejust jealous no one talks about them and their sorry lives. ;) )And yes, laugh your guts out. This is what I have learned to do. Laugh. And don’t, ever, ever, ever forget this gem of a quotation I have conveniently placed for you below. Every strong-willed, confident, intelligent female, shall abide and remember this, always.:

Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.

-Eleanor Roosevelt (that’s why she’s my inspira. ;) )

Warning: Please be conversation fodder for the right reasons. (Don’t expect to be a raving drunkard, drug-addict, rapist, murderer and get away with it. That’s so not.. hot.) PLUS, please don’t give in to the temptation to carry tales, it is downright tacky. It just smacks of an utter lack of class and insecurities. Even better? Ignore it when you find yourself on the receiving end of another story of someone else. Change the topic quickly. (Eg. “OMG! Your blouse/skirt/pants/tattered toga is oh-so-pretty! Did you make it yourself???”) Now. Excuse moi (pronounced “mwah” and not “moi” as I have overheard some rather horrifying articulation of this word), while the Highpriestess goes back to her champagne and strawberries.

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Lesson #06 of the Girlfriends’ Guidebook

Posted in Reflection, The Highpriestess' Girlfriends' Guidebook on October 27, 2006 by meera

How to Deal With Your First Job Rejection

You see my darlings, the Highpriestess being the Highpriestess, rarely sees failures. (unless it’s anything to do with numbers.)
I owe this to my self-guardedness. I never take part in anything I know I don’t stand a chance in winning. (which explains my three year hat-trick for winning the Spelling Bee in Primary school.)
I seldom give other things a shot, so as to speak.
Failure and rejection is something I find very difficult to grapple with.

This being said, all my life, I knew that there will come a time where I’m grown up, where I will be rejected for a job position. (I mean, I can’t be accepted for every single thing I apply for, can I? Unless I was……………) moving on.
But although I prepared myself for this day mentally, I thought I will be devastated at the first rejection.
Well, it happened yesterday and I am surprised I did not shed one tear nor feel like a total failure. I wonder why. There are many reasons to this I suppose.
1) I am really in no rush to work. (I might have died in devastation if I owned a car or chalked up credit bills. It’s just that I hate, absolutely hate, to ask my parents for money. It is downright embarassing.)
2) I am still young.
3) It was my very first experience. (So I’m cutting myself some slack.)
4) Faith. (God will give me what I have to do. I’m hoping he’s not waiting to add waitressing on that list.)

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So yes. Being my first job interview/test yesterday, or something to that effect, I was a little mentally unprepared and very, very nervous. (I am withholding the name of the company or job scope, for when I finally get the job, I shall disclose all the places I had applied to.) There I went. Very early. Nervous and shaky. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help myself! It was my first time and I just had no idea what to expect. A few things I learned from the experience:

1) Do NOT under any circumstance feel nervous. Many of the others are probably feeling the same way and showing that your jelly legs are going to give way will only single you out as the weakest link.

2) If you can’t help but quieten the free-roaming butterflies in your stomach, it’s okay. You can’t help yourself emotionally, but physically, please look fine. Doesn’t matter that the rest are in power suits with a huge, thick, leather covered resume/qualifications file. If you were not good enough, you wouldn’t be there in the first place. So, feel confident, suck in your stomach, shoulders out, and walk like you own all these people. Of course, when it comes to the actual meeting with your potential employer, playing the “i’m-too-good-for-you” pride card, will be the death of you.

3) It is okay to ask your employer questions. If there are certain things you are not sure of, ask. It shows an interest in the company and in the task that you are given to do. So, don’t be shy, go ahead and ask that burning question (unless the question is “When will I get my pay rise? ” or “Where did you get that pink bra which is showing through your blouse?” *insert giggle*)
Okay. That said. It was quite an interesting experience that I do not regret. I will do it all over again if given the chance.  I know the road ahead is going to be bumpy, with maybe a few (or lots if I am that unlucky) experiences like the above, but at least I take away some learning experiences.
You see, everyone experiences failure in some form at one point or the other. The important thing is not to dwell on the failure, as that is something that is not unique only to you. The unique thing is picking yourself up from it, and extracting information and learning life lessons from it. Only then, you know your journey was worth it. :)

Lesson #05 of the Girlfriends’ Guidebook

Posted in Archive - All Entries, The Highpriestess' Girlfriends' Guidebook on October 7, 2006 by meera

How To Storm Out of the House Without Really Storming Out of the House and Doing It With Elegance and Panache.

I was extremely upset yesterday and needed some time alone. I just did not feel like talking to or seeing anybody. What I wanted to do was to just get away where no one will see me. Of course, I could have done the most dramatic “I’m Outta Here!” and slam  the door and march off routine. But the Highpriestess being the Highpriestess, I had other plans.

I took a nice bath. Said my prayers quietly. Put on my favourite dress. Slipped into my gorgeous, gold heels. Kohl-rimmed my eyes, and applied the lightest shade of peach lipstick and gloss, spritzed on my Lovely SJP perfume, and I drifted out of the house like an angel. (cough.)

Somehow the stars seemed to be with me. As I was walking down the stairs to the bus-stop, the bus 518 which usually makes me wait not less than 30 minutes, arrived just as I did. I hopped on and listened to my favourite songs. I was excited at the prospect of browsing a never-ending selection of books at Borders and I smiled. Then, my stop came. I got off. Lo and Behold, nature decided that the Highpriestess deserved her own smoke-machine for a glam effect, and I was greeted by a huge mass of haze that lingered everywhere. People were cowering and coughing a little. But I put my head up high, took a huge breath, and kept it in till I reached Wheelock place.

Browsed through lovely, lovely Bath and Fragrance gift items at Marks & Spencers. Bought a book that rivals my Girlfriends’ advise (“How To Walk In High Heels”). What an excellent book. Also purchased a mini Flower Fairies calendar. After an hour or so of browsing with no one to rush me, I took my seat at the Mc Cafe at Shaw House and sipped on an amazing concoction of Mango and Vanilla, while munching on the most yummy slice of Orange Praline cake, all the while reading my new pink coloured covered book.

Just then my cell rang, and it was the Sweetheart (Henceforth referred to as SH.) My game was up and I confessed I was alone. Men, being men, he panicked a little and asked if I was okay. I said I was more than okay. A couple of hours later, my escape through solitude ended, and we met up. We then went to a lovely place in Clarke Quay which is really another story for another day. :)

The strangest thing is that, as a child, I never was very comfortable being alone. I often felt lonely and a gnereal feeling of ‘loserishness’ will descend upon me. But lately, I have never felt more alone then when I am with a group of people. And yesterday’s little date with myself, did wonders for me. I felt comfortable, confident and at peace. I’m wondering if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. But because of the way I’m feeling now, I’m going to have to settle for the former. :)

No more dramatic exits now. A quiet, elegant departure from a nerve-wrecking situation does wonders for the mind, body and soul.

Lesson #04 of the Girlfriends’ Guidebook

Posted in Archive - All Entries, Reflection, The Highpriestess' Girlfriends' Guidebook on September 26, 2006 by meera

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A couple of reasons why I have joined this No to self-abuse campaign.
A few of you guys know that I am a culprit of this whole self-deprecating, self-hurting thing. So, when I saw this banner, I had to put it on.

Self-abuse. It’s not worth it. It truly isn’t. The little satisfaction you get from punishing yourself is not going to give your ego a kick in the long run. I mean it when I say I know how it feels to do something unhealthy just to get your mind off the problem at hand. But honey, you know once the dirty deed is done (no matter how varying in intensity it is), the problem at hand is not going to turn into a solution.

I suggest, take a deep breath. Grab some panadol plus Tiger balm to soothe that upcoming migraine. And then grab a cuppa hot chocolate, some trashy romance novel and I am thinking that there is a shorter path to that light you’re searching for. ;) Good luck!

P.S: Did I mention that CLEO is also giving away Kenzo gifts if you paste this banner on your blog and you catch their eye? Go to CLEO’s blog for more details. Mwah, ladies. Have fun.

Lesson #03 of the Girlfriends’ Guidebook

Posted in Archive - All Entries, Reflection, The Highpriestess' Girlfriends' Guidebook on September 25, 2006 by meera

The makings of a career for a fresh graduate.

I have to make a few hasty thoughts about this because it is a very important reality check that many a graduate face, right after the Commencement ceremony, where the world is a little blur of blue cloaks, mortar boards, scrolls, massive photography sessions and resumes.

Ah. The resume. The one coveted piece of document that seems to reflect our self-worth. I’m writing about this because I had seniors who were out of jobs for nearly a year before they settled comfortably. My father decides to scare me now by saying that my degree is worth anything for only a year, and after that it depreciates in value.

Whatever the case, the job is an issue that many fresh graudates grapple with. To make matters a little more conflicting, the older generation (read: parents, parents of friends, uncles & aunties) are of the opinion that a degree is a ticket to a high-flying job. But of course, most of us know better. With parents not giving you anymore allowance (man, it’s embarassing enough to ask), and clothes that you still need to buy since you find yourself expanding immediately after graduation, income is much needed.

When it comes to the first job, apart from the blessed few, some of us may be a little more picky, and find to our horror that there doesn’t exist a perfect dream job. We wonder what the heck we are made out to do. Thousands of questions start bombarding you. Should I have gone on with my honors? Should I have changed my major? Should I have signed on with the civil service?  Ah. All the should I’s and If I’s. Yes. The If’s. The only thing that can single handedly ruin an appetite.

Girlfriends. Don’t fret. As a job seeker myself, I am going to presume for the purpose of this lesson that we are all born to serve certain roles in life. A few years down the road, some of us will be mothers, with a natural alarm system of crying and routine breast-feeding that makes you sore and cranky. Yet, a love that cannot be compared with anything else. Some of us might be married and still crazily in love. Some of us might be career-chasers, with the only things worth working for in our lives are our Hermes, Louis Vuitton and Gucci bags. And for the more aspiring, that super-sleek Mazda RX 8, or that BMW convertible.

Whatever it is, I am pretty confident that most of us will find our small niches. Whether it is comfortably safe in our desk jobs, or soaring high in that sales position, we will eventually settle down. Our thoughts might stray less. Our hearts might flutter less. Right now, my dear new graduate girlfriends, chase that dream. Whatever it may be. Do all you can before a man struts into your life demanding your attention, and before his offspring demands more. (For the singles.) The lovey-dovey couples, enjoy this little period of job-seeking. No major commitments now. Focus on your needs first. Then a bit on your wants. Perhaps, go back to your secondary school days and do a mindmap. A little bit of planning. Pore over the papers. Send out your resumes. Attend the interviews. See what makes you tick. And the best part, contrary to popular, self-righteous belief, you don’t necessarily need to stick with it all through your life, given your youth. Don’t get me wrong. I am strictly not condoning job-hopping, since we all need upright work ethics, but give yourself time and don’t expect too much of self-gratification.

So, what are you waiting for? Hit that Recruit section of the papers now.

P.S: Spoken like a true-blue high-flyer  job-seeker, no? ;)

Lesson #02 of the Girlfriend’s Guidebook

Posted in Archive - All Entries, The Highpriestess' Girlfriends' Guidebook on August 8, 2006 by meera

If you are like me, a few of the most important qualities you look out for in a man shall be social grace, etiquette and manners.

I never knew how important these were in your partner and how differing views on this could severely affect the relationship. I used to apologise for and justify a previous partner’s behaviour. Perhaps it never was his fault. Perhaps he just was a major introvert. He can’t not like all my friends (could he?), but he often left a cold impression and people would ask me what was wrong and if he was okay and if things were okay between us. If this happened once or twice for valid reasons, he may be excused I suppose. However, if it affects you even a slight bit, talk it out and discuss with your significant other. Chances are, he might not even be aware of his aloofness and a demeanour that would put an iced seal to shame. But, please switch on your warning lights should he release nonchalant vibes, for that smacks of ill-mannerism.

When you introduce your man to your family members or friends, he should be warm and friendly. Not over the top chatterboxy, but at the very least appropriately polite and well-mannered. A firm handshake, a sincere smile and eyes that are interested are always a turn-on, no? (However, if you are one of those girlfriends who go psycho if your man even lifts his eyelids up to look at your girlfriends because you think she is wayyyy hotter than you are, this post is not for you! What handshake??? Alert, alert, abort read-blog mission!!!!!)

After introduction and saying goodbyes, there should be a slightly warm fuzz, and not a bitter aftertaste, that you are left to apologise for. Honestly, who likes cold, rude boys? If your feelings are not considered, and should he continue acting like a heartless brute, get the hint.

That goes to you too, girlfriends.
Always, always, mind your p’s and q’s. That is always hot. :)

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Lesson #01 of the Girlfriend’s Guidebook

Posted in Archive - All Entries, The Highpriestess' Girlfriends' Guidebook on July 25, 2006 by meera

Never, ever, EVER paint a perfect picture of your relationship and your man to the world.
Let me tell you why.
Because, when things screw up, and your man does too, and plays victim, and people refuse to listen to you and listen to him instead, you shall be villified.
Terribly villified.
Because chances are, he is using your creation of an elevated status of the perfect man to cry foul.

That is the law, and things shall follow this progression.

Therefore, my dear fellow sisters, should any one of your girl friends happen to be in relationship trouble, the sanest thing to do would be to ask her. If she refuses to speak out of respect for her Ex (which she shall later discover to be undeserved), the next best choice should be her family members who have witnessed for themselves the fall of the Great Couplehood and the destructive spiral the ‘perfect’ man created, no? Therefore, we have to remember never to seek the reasons of a demise of the relationship from the scorned Ex. And the reason for that, my dears, is elementary.

However, if you do by any slim chance make the horrific mistake of approaching the Ex for so-called answers when you hardly knew him, and then do not get back to your girl friend because his villification has swayed you, do not even bother to declare that you have not taken sides, because my dears, you already have. And if this is too apparent to the rest of the word, you shall look neither unfoolish nor altruistic.

And finally, if you have some major doubts, you pick up the phone and make a phonecall to relevant parties who actually know the whole story because they have witnessed it for themselves, not characters from the outside circle. Now, how difficult would this be?

Class, any questions?