Looking for Love Looking for Me.

I actually typed out half a post on weddings and marriages and then something else hit me.
These past few months, love has come looking for me. Well, loves and the likes (no pun intended), I guess.
And I realised something. While I am looking for the right person, my heart is shut and my brain goes into logic overdrive.
I tried to open up, but then it blows up in my face.
So I’m back to being an emotional hermit.
And then when it looks like I’m on to something, I get totally paranoid and anxious and look for every means and reasons to run away. I’m terrified of getting hurt again.

The cliches fly into my head easily. It’s better to have loved and lost than never having loved at all. The course of true love never ran smooth… etc etc. But once you’ve been through very rough patches, it is much, much easier said than done. Of course this is a problem for me. Given the fact that I actually want to settle down in the next 2-3 years the most, in my own planner in my head, there is just enough time to get to know somebody well and plan things out. (Or yes, there’s always the arranged option.) Of course one can have grand plans in one’s head, but in the end, it’s pretty much up to luck and timing.

I can’t be a commitment phobe. I can’t be a love phobe either. I am at my best in commitment and in love, I think. It’s my element. hahaha jeez. I don’t know what I am even typing this out. I have my life planned out in my head, and looking for someone to share it with with all the emotional ups and downs is starting to get a little complex. It’s the age. It’s the freaking age. I’m going to stop typing. And I’m off.

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