Plan X.

Horrible. This is the only word which comes to my mind. I’m 23. I’m 23. I’m 23.
Is this the way life is supposed to turn out when you are twenty-three?
I thought this was the age where everything falls into place. You have your one year work experience, your degree, your well, youth and exuberance. But what the bloody heck? I’m seeking solace in Harry Potter. I’m looking forward to watching Harry Potter’s Years 1-4 DVD-marathon with popcorn and rootbeer. And then watch Harry Potter Year 5 at the cinema. And that’s it. I can’t see further than that.

What the bloody heck? And then I stop and start to think and that’s when my life reallly sucks. I realise I have messed a few things around me beyond repair, and as much as I am struggling and fighting for it all to be okay, I realise that it’s a losing battle. You know sometimes, I feel like it’s better if I was immediately removed from the universe without further notice, and that way things will probably all be okay. Firstly, I won’t have to worry about carving a fantastic life for myself, since it’s all going to go to the dumps anyway when I eventually die. Secondly, honestly, the world might be a better place!

Okay, besides all this ranting, yes, we still have a life to live, and the most sensible thing is to live it well, till we are asked to leave without any further notice. So that’s when the trouble starts. I’m 23. I know what I am going to do, say in the next month. But beyond that, nothing. It’s like nothing seems to motivate me. Sometimes, I wish I was motivated by money. You know, like some guy I know who wants to be an uhm, Economist and make $200k. But I’m not motivated by money. I thought as you grow older, your feet start to stick to Earth, and your head moves out from the clouds. But no, I’m still stuck! I’m still stuck. Money doesnt motivate me. When I was doing property, I felt it so pointless. Just being a middle person for some piece of property and a very snooty buyer, who is probably going to fund most of your desires. But, after awhile, I felt extremely demotivated. It didnt stir me. Not even the dollar-signs. Commission based jobs, while they are good cash cows, don’t give me the desire, the drive to live. But is this important? Or is money all about it?

Why am I even going on an angsty rant as if I’m 19? I don’t know. There are some very exciting things happening in my life. Well, actually just a couple. ANd one of it is giving me extreme cold feet. I think about it and my stomach actually churns. I feel nauseous and faint and I just want to sit down. I’m just so unsure. What a horrible feeling. Why?

Someone please tell me it’s normal. To be 23. And feeling this way. In pure singlish, there is only one thing in my head,

How ah?

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3 Responses to “Plan X.”

  1. Queen of Drama. Says:

    It’s perfectly normal. Trust me, you might feel a similar way even when u hit 25. blah.

    In pure and simple Singlish:

    LIKE THAT, LOR!

  2. wellwisher Says:

    hahaha.. u knw, im 23 goin on 24 in a coupla months. Two years back, i was struggling to get a hold of life. I wasnt going anywhere with my diploma. My personal life was in shambles. It was just bad. But then, I got the opportunity to get back to school and i chose art school. It has kinda transformed my life. I dunno what life has in store for me, but I believe Im now presently living a ful filling life. The thing is, the turning point came when i least expected anything to happen. And it will happen for u too. Meanwhile Harry Potter seems ok what? =)

  3. Queen of Drama: Really? Okay, I shall take your word for it.

    Wellwisher: Art school! That sounds awesome, as cliched as it sounds. But wow. I would like to get into Art School myself. But never really had the guts. I’m sounding really happy for you, and I can only wish that it will happen for me too. And yes, Harry Potter does seem okay. Harry Potter, however, looks more than okay. I can’t believe I”m 23 and crushing on Harry Potter!!

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