Archive for July, 2007

Errands and Man Rings.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on July 31, 2007 by meera

Met a friend today, to pick out a Man Ring for him. I use the word Man Ring in reference to this one episode of 70s Show where Eric is presented with a rather loud ring from his well-meaning girlfriend. Needless to say, he became the butt of his friends’ jokes. Times have changed of course, and me thinks men look rather polished with a shiny steel ring slipped on one of their fingers. We picked out a rather nice one from Couple Lab – although I gave a miss, since we weren’t a couple. heehee But, he got me a very, very nice present, which was a pleasant surprise. Much more of a shock actually, but to make up for all his very, very latecomings. I shall not reveal his name out of goodwill. =) Back to his ring, it was a steel ring with black carbon fiber in the middle, which was really interesting. I think Couple Lab makes really good rings, and they’re quite durable as well. (To the said friend – Please take a picture of your Man Ring, I would quite like to put it up here to show off my good taste. Nanri Vanakkam.)

For today’s outing, I withdrew thirty bucks from the ATM and promised myself not to use more than that, but alas, I used up every since cent and my bank account became much lighter after a few signatures here and there. Arghhhh. The essentials were a few farewell gifts for my office colleagues who are so so dear to me and the renewal of my Body Shop membership. (I got a huge bottle of Mango Foaming Bath just for renewing!! yay!) The not-so-essentials were a ton of stuff for SH and a $15 dollar top that was on sale for myseld. I’m planning on wearing it tomorrow, my last day at work. The latter literally made a dent on my account. Arghhh. I am so ill disciplined. Also, a slight digression for foodies, Carls Jnr makes very good milkshakes with malt. A little too sweet and heavy, but it can do. I still absolutely love the Baileys Milkshake at Billy Bombers. Nothing tops that. Especially with my girls.

Well, I ought to stop typing and get on with some earrings I’m making for the new girls at my office. They are so sweet. Once, due to non-stop work I had to miss both breakfast and lunch, and when I came back from my Boss’s office, I saw two packets of Hello Panda, Chocolate and Strawberry on my work desk’s computer keyboard. Arghh. I love them to bits.

Right this second, I’m craving for Rice & Rasam & Mysore Mutton at this Indian Muslim shop called Naderah at Changi Village, which is a mere 7 minutes from my place. It’s good to live in the East, and even better to have loved ones with similar food cravings. I’m gonna miss this place when I move. Like 2006, 2007 seems to hold currents of love & loss. I guess we gain something, I’m hoping. But although I’m hoping, I am still craving for the Rice & Rasam & Mysore Mutton.

August is a few hours away, and I have yet to buy my Literature texts which are so difficult to find, plus stationary and other essentials. I saw a few nice note books with embossed designs at Times bookstore today.  At 7 bucks, I think they were a steal. But did I get it? Nope! Did I get the very vintage fabric pencil case printed with two fairies that cost another 7 bucks? Nope! My priorities are bloody screwed, to say the least. But what the hell, I’m happy. Kinda. Well, trying.

Okay, I just have to go now before I start rambling.
I’m off.


Breathless & Slipping.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on July 30, 2007 by meera

It’s taking every bit of my effort to stop myself from slipping into the murky pool right behind me.
I hear it every night, talking to me, threatening me, telling me that I’m about to run away from it all.
But it’s a struggle. It’s that familiar feeling again, of slipping back into a place I don’t want to return to.
I have, had so much to give. But it’s a vacuum now. Or what appears to be a vacuum, above all the multi-layered emotions of pain, regret and hurt, and love and love and love.
Overpowering love.
Breathless love.
And yet, there is an emptiness.
A very dangerous emptiness.
I’m afraid for myself, of myself.

Of Terrifying Transitions & Fantastic Fairy Rings.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on July 30, 2007 by meera

I’m terrified. I’m going through a transition, and I’m wondering if I can deal with it.
I cannot fathom what could have possessed me to pursue a Masters degree without a scholarship or at least, some solid savings.
I’m feeling so alone, and terrified.
I feel like throwing up.
I’m in half a mind to actually tell my Uni, “forget it”, and keep my job. Well, of course not in the same branch (since my incumbent is already here), but at least within the company. It was so depressing stripping my cubicle of my personal stuff. Scrapbook sheets, photographs, miniature fairies and unicorns, badges and nametags… It was so depressing. I had to choke back tears and just pretend to be my loony self. My incumbent was telling my boss that I’m a great teacher and that she could see I loved my job. Well I do. It fills me with pride.

We went out for a branch outing today, and I realised just how much I was going to miss these people. This was exactly what I was afraid of. Settling into a comfortable 8-5er and letting other opportunities go. But still? My life would have been more or less fixed. Now I’m entering the whole realm of school again, with minimum allowance (which is not even confirmed, by the way), and it is nothing short of terrifying. And lonely. Very, very lonely. I wish I had someone here to hold my hand and tell me it will all be okay, and won’t let go. Alas. Adulthood does not seem to very helpful. Fellow adults will scoff at my need for a helping hand, but I’m sorry, I’m terrified and am not ashamed of it. My heart feels like a gaping hole.

On a lighter note (that does nothing much to lift this somber mood), I bought 6 VCDs for 24 bucks. VideoEZ was having a clearance sale. I throughly checked the undersides of each VCD to ensure they were clear of scratches, with the help of SH albeit his patience being slightly tested. =) I got My Super ExGirlfriend, Little Miss Sunshine, Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason, Haven, Babel and Wicker Park. I’m planning to watch them in between reading my Literature texts and stoning at home. My stomach is doing backflips again. What a familiar feeling. Well, I ought to go. Should be back. Sometime soon. I guess. I’m off.

 P.S: I’ve been noticing circle rings of mushrooms everywhere. The fairies have come to play!!! I’m excited. =)





Posted in Archive - All Entries on July 30, 2007 by meera

I don’t miss you.
I don’t miss you.
I don’t miss you.

 If I say it often enough, it’ll probably become true.


Posted in Archive - All Entries on July 28, 2007 by meera

I must have a problem, she thinks.
Many a time, her stomach makes backflips.
A sinking, lonely, empty feeling that longs for company.
Not only company that can’t do without her.
But company she can’t do without.


Step Out.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on July 23, 2007 by meera

The smoke in the mirror is getting more solid now.
The wisps of ash and streaks of perfumed vapour form a silhouette.
I see you now, just like you see me, from behind the glass.
I turn away, your gaze too overwhelming.
You watch, quietly.
We stand there for hours, not saying anything.
I turn back and see you step forward.
There’s a moment’s silence. I reach forward and stretch out my hand.
You take it,

and step out.

When I am Googled.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on July 23, 2007 by meera

My friend kindly informed me that when my full name is googled, all except the last two websites, are about me!