The Dilemma & Mothers’ Day

Last week, I brought my Mom out for an early Mother’s day treat @ Fort Canning. A Midsummer Night’s Dream @ Fort Canning. She thoroughly enjoyed herself. She’s a fan of Shakespeare, and if there’s one thing I will be eternally grateful for, it will be the love of literature that she shared with me. As a kid, I was exposed to Shakespeare more than anything else, starting with bedtime stories. I loved the shrewdness of Portia in Merchant of Venice, the love-struck Romeo in Romeo & Juliet and mostly, I loved the magic of a Midsummer Night’s Dream. I remember how devastated I was to have not been allocated Shakespeare in my final year course bidding in NUS, and my following ecstasy that followed when my appeal was approved. It is all thanks to my mother. Bringing her for the show was a full-circle moment. Years after she read Shakespeare from a blue bound book to a star-struck kid falmost every night, there we were, sitting under a marquee, sipping wine on a full-moon magical night. I can’t give an unbiased review of the performance as I was just enjoying the magic and mayhem that was unfolding among the greens of Fort Canning Park. It was creative and the space was used very well. The only thing we felt could have been slightly better would be the costumes. There were fairies, but they seemed too Hanging-Out-At-Far-East-Plaza-Teenagey. And that was a little letdown. I mean, they were fairies! Fairies are beautiful and pretty and magical. Not teenagey. But oh well. Overall, it was a  beautiful night, and we had tons of fun.

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Right after that, I was lamenting to my mother. I wished I was still in school. Still doing literature. I wished that I would do literature for the rest of my life. After whining a bit, with my mom as usual patiently listening, we went back home. An hour later, my dad comes back with the previously mentioned Brown Envelope. My application for Masters in Literary Studies was approved and they sent me the Offer letter. First, I was in shock, and then I jumped around my whole house.

And now. I’m stuck with a dilemma. After drawing a healthy, steady income for half a year, it’s difficult to let go of it all. Where I work, there are tons of perks. Bonuses, holidays, credits to use on courses to upgrade and expose yourself etc etc etc. Not only that. I’m finally getting the whole idea of responsibility and how much I have to give back to my parents (it is never going to be enough, not even for a lifetime). As much as they are encouraging me to go for it, I am thinking two, three, ten times. What do I do after that? What do I do during my Masters? It’s full time, I’ll be earning a bit. But only just a bit. Still, this is Literature. How do I let go of that? I haven’t decided, but I know I’ll be crazy to let this opportunity go.  Well, we’ll see. And I thought choosing between jobs is going to be difficult… ha.

Mothers’ Day is tomorrow! Of course, it is not to say that it is only on this day should we show our appreciation. I know many of us, as we grow older, learn that our parents are the only ones who practise unconditional love. Unconditional as it really is.  I’m going to take this day as an extra time to reflect, onthe amount of money she has spent on us (she has repeatedly told me that she could be a millionairess should she not have had kids), on the amount of time she spent with us, the love she showered, for laughing with me, for crying with me and for giving me the greatest gift of all – the love for reading. Tomorrow, I’m going to give her that extra hug and a huge, sloppy kiss on her cheek. Hey, why wait, let me go right now. :) 

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8 Responses to “The Dilemma & Mothers’ Day”

  1. Happy Mother’s Day to your Mommy!! =)

    And congratulations one getting the Master’s acceptance! Go for it babe!!

  2. Queen of Drama. Says:

    it’s true, isn’t it? that when moms pass on their habits or knowledge or likes or tendencies to us, they mean that much more and are that much more special?

    babe give ur mom two hugs, one from you, one from me since my moms not here for my hug, and i have a few hugs pending. haha.

  3. That was a very sweet entry. If you mum really sneaks into ur blog as u suspect, she will be very touched! :)

  4. Amibga: Thanks love!

    Queen: I know. Other than the love of reading, I have also inherited some idiosyncracies which I shall not mention. teehee Now, five big hugs for you! :)

    Suresh: :P I’m sure she will be.

  5. Phoenix Says:

    CONGRATULATIONS MEERAAAAA!!!

    Unlike you, I am not one who can proclaim to be a fan of Shakespeare! Faaaaar from it. In secondary school, I really found Literature to be the bane of my adolescent existence. (Here’s where you gasp in shock. With mouth agape, hand clutching your chest, and shaking your head disappointedly at me). Hee. But I owe my distaste for Shakespeare largely to the terribly yawn-inducing bad teaching! I rarely read the required materials.

    In Sec 2, we were made to read The Merchant of Venice. I guess you know who Dr Balthazar is (and I will never forget for the rest of my life!). My Lit teach, knowing what a complete slack I was, picked me to answer her seemingly simple question. She asked me if I read the required pages. I said yes (LIE!). Then she asked, “OK. So, who is Dr Balthazar?” I paused, a little bemused. To me, it was such a simple question, even though I hadn’t a clue! But judging from the dirty look she was already casting me, I knew I was done for. The ENTIRE class kept whispering the answer to help me out: “lawyer, lawyer”. And I thought that was the most INSANE suggestion. It was so BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS to me that DOCTOR Balthazar was a DOCTOR (duh)! So that was my answer. In spite of all the help my class had offered me. Almost immediately, all 30 of my classmates had their hands to their heads, aghast at my idiocy. And I was promptly sent out of the class.

    I commend you for your incredible patience and conscientiousness, Meera. Masters of Literary Studies for me? I would rather chew my right arm off. Seriously, hats off to ya :)

    [Interestingly, I DO have a love for reading. And even more, for writing. But that comes from my dad (whom, oddly, I’ve had the littlest contact with). On the other hand, Mum (whom I grew up with) thinks reading is a remedy for insomnia. Which makes me wonder if our habits and proclivities are a result of nature or nurture].

    Best of luck with your Masters, Meera!! Yet another milestone in your life! :) *hug*

  6. Phoneix: hahaha! Girl! You were the last person I expected this from! Horror of horror! You don’t like Shakespeare?? Didn’t Mr. Fahy teach you?? He completely instilled pure passion into his lessons. He was a different person when he entered each class. (not much different from a multiple personality disorder, which was rather scary, but we loved him!) And your Dr.Balthazar story was damn hilarious my goodness, babe! hahaha

    But, dear, you heap too much flattery on me. Sometimes I wonder if I should even attempt to pull this off. Or just stick to my 9-5s. But the idea of crawling back to school is so appealing. I should kick my bum, but you know, just can’t help wondering. Thanks anyway! (if I decide to do it) Next time you come around here, LET ME KNOW. *lots of hugs* Hope you are doing well, love. Been ages. Take care, and lots of love.

  7. Phoenix Says:

    Glad you enjoyed tht anecdote! That one was a classic, 11 years on and it still makes me cringe when I look back on it. I was stupidity personified. Eh woman, Fahy taught me GP la (did he teach Lit?). GP is a world of a difference! Nonetheless, the mere sight of him made my bones rattle and knees knock against each other.

    He completely instilled pure passion into his lessons.

    If by pure passion, you mean pure insanity, then yes, ‘pure passion’ it is. My (and Sid’s) encounters with him were nothing short of, well, adventurous (putting it mildly). But I’m sure I’ve told you alllllll those classic stories. Hee :) Fahy was one eccentric character. The thing about his lessons were that the strong became stronger but the weak just crumbled from the sheer pressure.

    Once, mum & I bumped into him at school. He stopped to say hello, so I introduced mum to him. He said, “Your daughter is a very talented young lady.” And to that, do you know what my mother said??? “Oh, haha, thank you. My daughter says she is scared of you.” I swear, Meera, if I had a shovel nearby, I’d have dug myself a little hole to climb into, then never emerge again. Mum doesn’t know what to say, WHEN to say. Fahy was like, “Oh, she is, is she?” And I was just dumbfounded, speechless, only managing a nervous, cracked smile. Needless to say, I scolded mum alllllll the way home.

    As for the flattery. I give credit where credit’s due! I say, since this opportunity has opened up to you, seize it! Carpe diem :) You have the rest of your life for 9-5s. And if you need help kicking your bum, *kicks Meera’s bum*, there you go. You’re at your sharpest when you’re young. Try going back to school when you’re older, competing with younger minds. Besides, it’s harder to get back into school once you’re too settled in your comfort zone, and you’re more likely to put it off. So strike now!! I think it’s brilliant you got offered Masters, and in an area you have a passion for. I’m guessing your current job isn’t as demanding ‘creatively’ than Literary Studies. So, you don’t wanna get ‘rusty’, if you know what I mean. For instance, sometimes I find it hard to get back into creative writing or poetry if I’ve been too bogged down with making money, or doing shit-boring legal essays that don’t call for creativity or flowery words (legal jargon is not flowery words). I notice, then, my writing becomes trite or contrived. Words don’t flow as well or I find it increasingly difficult to express myself or just generally think more creatively. Get what I mean?

    No matter what you embark upon, do it wholeheartedly. Be thankful you have passions. Some people go through their lives never discovering their niche or are too afraid to take the road less travelled. If you have no urgent financial obligations to meet as yet and your parents have given you their blessings, I think that’s a path carved for you already.

    And dei, what happened to your dancing? :P Looking forward to reading more entries about that. *ahem*

    All the best in your endeavours darling! And remember, you always have Plan C – Teaching in Japan.

    AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Yes, we shall meet once I get my ass back! And many well-deserved and much-awaited hugs shall follow! Hee!

  8. Phoneix: you know what we should be doing?we should be EMAILING each other and keeping in touch! :) well thanks girl, i think i have more or less made up my mind. And YES, we shall meet when you get ur bum back in singapore!! :) mwah. (yes, there is always PLAN C) hahahahahahah!!!

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