Worrying about Worrying.

For the last 48 hours, the Highpriestess has been surviving on just one hour of sleep.
Yes, one little, precious hour of sleep.
Yesterday, for the first time, I thought I was screwed. I was even having visuals of my folks at work saying, “I’m sorry. We have to let you go.”
I was paralysed with fear. I slept at 1 plus. Woke up at 10 minute intervals. With an old black and white Indian film running on the television. Without my spectacles, everytime my eyelids opened, I would see a blur of grey and white and I would shut my eyes again. Hoping and praying that the Sandman will spill his crystals onto my eyelids and take me away to slumberland. But no. At three sharp in the morning, I woke up. I felt stricken with panic and fear and everything else quite unnecessary at three a.m. in the morning. Especially when my transport was going to arrive in 3.5 hours.

A little boy tried to calm me down and I finally panicked enough and exhausted myself, and knocked off at 4.30 a.m. Yes, one hour. One precious little hour. I have something very important tomorrow but am feeling very unprepared and unsettled about it. Although I just had a private conversation with the Gods’ and Goddesses’, I’m still feeling a little.. well, spaced out. I’m just going to trust in myself and in any greater design that has been planned for me (although I’m aware I still have some control over it, oh well, I wouldn’t know.) I’m off to bed now. And yes, congratulations to Drinkboy. I knew you’d make it.

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2 Responses to “Worrying about Worrying.”

  1. wellwisher Says:

    Is that like a panic attack?
    Hope you’re alright now.

  2. wellwisher: hello, hmm, it might have been a panic attack of a milder scale, i dont know. but well, i could also write it off as due to the three cups of tea i had in the evening. ;) and of course, irrational fears of work. thanks for the concern! hug.

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