Archive for December 15, 2006

Of demons, the future and pleasure.

Posted in Archive - All Entries, Reflection, thoughts & chaos on December 15, 2006 by meera

I’m sure the title caught your attention, but I’m sorry to inform that they aren’t really linked and this is not going to be one of those interesting posts. Well, they might be linked, but not explicitly, but oh well. Here I start to rant.

I finally faced my demons yesteray. It was very emotional and heart-wrenching but I did.
It felt like a dam holding back years and years of filth and guilt and unhappiness were released. My shoulders feel so much lighter, my soul feels so much cleaner, I suddenly feel like a child again. :) (when does that not happen with me, really?) But yes, it was over and done. And finally, I can face the future with not a single burden on my back.

I’m feeling very queasy about my first day at work. A huge corporation. Years of establishment. An epic-sized modus operandi. And me. A fresh graduate. With little work experience, finally facing the world. The corporate world. Where we work. Where we donate to a charity either voluntarily or unvoluntarily through CPF. Where we are forced to save in our little CPFs. Where we have colleagues- the niceties and the not-so-niceties. The diplomacy. The efficiency. The politics of the working world finally descends upon me, and I feel that I have over-prepared myself so much and convinced myself so much that the working world is throughly evil and life-sucking, that I have successfully terrified myself. Thus, the first day awaits. A mere four days away. I am terrified of so many things. I’m terrified of not fitting in. Of making mistakes. Of lone lunch-breaks. But most of all, I’m terrified of losing myself. I am terrified. But in a corner of my heart, I know I’ll be fine. I always will find a way to be myself without compromising important things. I guess it’s just the nervousness of embarking on a new chapter of one’s life.

That aside, I’m going for a much needed holiday tomorrow with my family. I’m really excited and I totally need some sun, sea and sand before I start work. Completely refresh and rejuvenate myself. Whee! Can’t wait to play with the sand between my toes and watch the sunsets and the sparkling blue water. I am feeling most excited! Nature and the beach in all it’s glory. Resort, here I come!!!

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P.S: A significant date passed me by a few days ago. I did not forget, of course. But the significant thing was how I thought of you just once, with my usual mild amusement, and carried on watching Happy Feet. (just too cute, really. argh.) Mumble mumble mumble!

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