Archive for November, 2006

Lesson #08 of The Girlfriends’ Guidebook

Posted in Archive - All Entries on November 30, 2006 by meera

***News has travelled, and apparently people couldn’t handle the heat and lives were at stake with my previous post. So this is the censored version. *jeez* Still, a post for the Guidebook cannot be totally ignored. So, a general guideline sans comments. Enjoy.

Ten Tell-Tale Signs That Your Significant Other Is A Cheating

1) You suddenly feel detached from him.
 

2) He takes more than usual care of his appearance.
(Again, for my paranoid sisters out there, it could be a possibility he has secretly read your Style magazine and is trying to impress you. Remember, these signs should all happen together plus your little voice in your head to have a little suspicion.)

3) Sudden Change in Personality

4) The Handphone
Messages receieved are immediately deleted and phone calls are hastily answered and phone conversations carried out away from you. 

 5) Details become fuzzy.
This is your clear signal. Suddenly he cannot remember who he hung out with. He cannot remember where he hung out.

6) Lies, lies and more lies.
Totally fictious stories made up, good enough for Tamil cinema.

7) He turns the table on you.
MY DEAREST GIRLFRIENDS. I cannot begin to emphasise why you should NEVER put up with this behaviour. If you have just grounds to talk to him about your concerns, your man should NEVER turn the table on you and accuse you of being paranoid, or worse, cheating on him instead. That smacks of his insecurity and fear of being found out. So to take the spotlight off him, he will direct your fears onto yourself and make you feel like you are the psychotic, paranoid girlfriend going whacko on him. C’mon, if he loved you truly, number 1, he would not be indulging in the above-named activities numbered from 1-5. And number 2, even if he was only really busy at work, he will take the time to alleviate your concerns and assure you that everything is alright, and not to be silly, and gives you a great big hug and makes up for his lack of attention and utterly bad behaviour with a day off from the week to just spend ‘quality time’.

8) Evidence & Grounds for Suspicion

9) Friends’ Evidence.
Yes, don’t listen to useless talk about how your man is a playboy, but when he says he is busy at work and is instead somewhere else, FIGHT or FLEE. I suggest Flee. Why fight for a scumbag after all you’ve given?

10) He starts badmouthing you.
True scumbag behaviour. Starts talking rubbish about you and your philandering ways when he actually got jiggy with someone else smack during the relationship.

Look out for these tell-tale signs. They are very, very important. If your man changes suddenly, look out. Don’t ignore your inner voice. Not ignoring it is as important as not being over-paranoid. And please, don’t EVER buy the rubbish from anyone that you drove them to cheat and seek greener pastures. What? You constantly abuse your man by kicking him in his shin and spanking his bum with a lighted torch? Or you swindle his money and go spend it to please your Sugar Daddy? Don’t buy that crap. If the relationship was so awful to begin with, have the damned decency to end it.

Cheats are so awfully, awfully, awfully disgusting and infuriate me to to end. Look out, and chin up. The natural tendency is to feel you’re not good enough, but (Arun’s imput) chances are, you were too good for him and he couldn’t keep up. Get a hot man, to match your hot talent, girlfriend. You were made for far more better things. And you shall not be lied to and made a fool of. That’s someone else’s job. But I guess the most hurting thing is that how people can change, just. like. that.

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Lesson #07 of the Girlfriends’ Guidebook.

Posted in The Highpriestess' Girlfriends' Guidebook on November 24, 2006 by meera

How To Deal With Rumour Mongor-ing 

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                                            Photo courtesy of www.tribuneindia.com

I’m writing this because I have heard of too many dear girlfriends suffering a similar fate. So take heed!

Every chic, hot, fortunate girlfriend is familiar with this. You are so good and so famous and so interesting and your life is so juicy, that it is always up as conversation fodder and is always a hot topic. There is this strange thing about relatives. It is a little annoying.
I’m sure I don’t speak for myself.

The funniest thing is that everyone wants to one-up the other, even though there is absolutely no basis, or the other scenario being, comparison is just way out of line. Other than this, it is the absolute involvement in other people’s lives which is of no concern to them. What I don’t understand is that if you are so concerned about someone, would you not speak to them personally? Honestly, what is there to fear?

I have come across so many rumour mongers in my whole life, that I am absolutely tired of it. Nothing much rattles me anymore. (as many of you know, I have heard enough to last me fifteen lifetimes.) From friends, to close friends, to not-so-good friends, to the ex, to ex-friends and of course to the relatives. Infact, when I hear rumours, I sympathise and laugh a little. Then you realise that once they have run out of things to talk about, they’ll either a) make up a fictional tale on how you ran away to Timbaktu and got hitched to a shepherd or b) make cruel, unneccesary, malicious jokes to soothe their sorry egos. See. Either way, why care?

It’s good to have a sense of humour because you know, in the end, that you yourself don’t give a crap about someone else’s life since all that matters to you is that of your loved ones and of course, of yourself. This of course comes after years of exposure to said rumour-mongers. See, never trust someone who bitches about someone else infront of you. Because you know, they’ll probably be doing the same about you.  And the only reason they have so much to say, is because they have some sort of insecurity about themselves. C’mon, chica, not everyone is as hot and interesting as you! Be flattered you make conversation headlines.

However, this is not to say that I hate my relatives. I don’t have the habit of hating. Because if you hate, it means you still care. (courtesy of DH) I love some of them to bits and am very protective, and some, well, just amaze me from time to time. I have been called stuck-up, self-righteous and even wealthy. It is funny, because most of my friends know that is not true. (Of course, some do concede that I have a slightly stuck-up, attitudal face. But hey, I was born with it!!!)

Here’s a shout out to all those who are facing a barrage of troublesome, meddlesome people.  I know of a few girlfriends who are facing this problem. I say, fuhhhhhget it. Refer to two posts ago, D’s comment. No matter where you’re gonna be, no matter who you are with, no matter who you’re not with, no matter if you study hard or play hard, no matter if you have a terrible dress sense or a fantabulous one, people who are chockful of insecurities will still find something to occupy themselves with. You know, conversation inspira. And if you find yourself being that one too many a time, girlfriend, you must be something. Feel flattered. And take pity. (they arejust jealous no one talks about them and their sorry lives. ;) )And yes, laugh your guts out. This is what I have learned to do. Laugh. And don’t, ever, ever, ever forget this gem of a quotation I have conveniently placed for you below. Every strong-willed, confident, intelligent female, shall abide and remember this, always.:

Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.

-Eleanor Roosevelt (that’s why she’s my inspira. ;) )

Warning: Please be conversation fodder for the right reasons. (Don’t expect to be a raving drunkard, drug-addict, rapist, murderer and get away with it. That’s so not.. hot.) PLUS, please don’t give in to the temptation to carry tales, it is downright tacky. It just smacks of an utter lack of class and insecurities. Even better? Ignore it when you find yourself on the receiving end of another story of someone else. Change the topic quickly. (Eg. “OMG! Your blouse/skirt/pants/tattered toga is oh-so-pretty! Did you make it yourself???”) Now. Excuse moi (pronounced “mwah” and not “moi” as I have overheard some rather horrifying articulation of this word), while the Highpriestess goes back to her champagne and strawberries.

From University to the Work Place.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on November 23, 2006 by meera

This afternoon, I had a phone conversation with a very close, long-time friend.
We don’t talk as much as we used to, or go out as much we used to. But each time we talk, we speak so comfortably and with no-holds barred. I think sometimes distance between friends allows intimacy and frankness. Because if we move too closely, we are usually afraid of being judged and the possibilty of baring your soul, terrfies.

But I digress. We were talking about working life. I have come to a few conclusions, but the main one would be that the transition from University to the ‘adult’ working world is grossly underrated. What makes it worse for the both of us, is that while we graduated, many of our closest and dearest friends are still in school. And the feeling of seeking out a job, and making important life-changing choices all alone, can be a very frightening and terrifying one.

The day you graduate, everything changes. You aren’t on your own anymore. In school, it is different on so many levels. You can choose which modules to read. You can choose which lectures you want to attend. You can chooses your thesis statements. Heck, you even choose who you want to hang out with. As long as you study hard, there are so many choices open to you.

When you put on your mortar board and clutch your scroll, you look forward to a whole new chapter in your life. Scrap that. It’s a whole new book. A different set of rules. New boundaries, a different type of freedom that is still tied to respoinsibilites. And the undercurrent issue that runs beneath all these concerns? Expectations. Your family expects you to work, and repay the gratitude. Your relatives expect you to work, because otherwise, they will compare you with their sons and daughters. Your friends expect you to work because, hey! They know you, and love you, and do think that after graduation you have to find a job to be happy. And the worst? You expect yourself to work because otherwise, what use has your life been anyway?

So, what happens is that when these expectations have all been unmet for a long time, your sense of self-worth starts to erode slowly. And then you get a call from your friend, and realise you are not alone. You have not opened up or called, because you are afraid to have not met those expectations and to have disappointed.

This is the deal. There must be a support group for people like us. It’s scary because priorities suddenly shift beneath you and you wonder if it’s normal to feel this way. You can’t seem to connect with your friends still in school because while they are wondering how to get through that paper or skip that lecture, you wonder how are you going to get a job and feed yourself and clothe yourself? You yearn to go back to school, to shirk off all these responsibilities, to once again connect with those friends, on the same level. But well… things have changed.

All I can say is, Chin Up, girlfriend.
There will be a better day.
And one day, we’ll meet over coffee or wine, and chat about how uncertain the future was, and how happy we are now.

That is, of course, my optimism speaking.

Drained.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on November 20, 2006 by meera

Slowly but surely you start getting that all-too familiar feeling again.
The one that eats quietly at your soul, like an emotional cancer that won’t go away.
You shove it to the back of your head, but it forces itself up to the surface again.
Tired, tired, tired.
People and their mouths.
When will they ever shut up? When will other people’s lives cease to become a source of entertainment? When will they mend their own lives first before trying to ruin others? The funny thing is, it is terribly immature and sad. If your intentions are that pure and good, you should come up to me instead, and show you care. Instead of passing word around. I mean, what are you trying to prove?

I have digressed.
Tired.
Soul, eaten away. Quietly.

Pure, Unadulterated Annoyance.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on November 19, 2006 by meera

I’m not a freedom fighter.
I know I am of a minority race and I accept that.
Over the past nearly 23 years, I have also grown to accept the problems that come with being a part of a minority race.
This being of no fault of mine. I didn’t choose to be born into a minority race. It wasn’t a choice. It was a choice that was made by my forefathers. Fathers like many others from other races who decided to make Singapore their home.

I’m glad that choice was made, because regardless of the problems that come with being non-majority, I feel blessed to be born here.Again, this is regardless the things that I have had to endure.

Examples include being called Apu-neh-neh in school and by kids who point in glee with their parents doing nothing with their silence except to encourage this mindless name calling. (what the hell is Apu-neh-neh?)
Another thing was being called Blackie and then accused of soaking my hair in coconut oil that apparently stinks but that has now been popularised by The Body Shop. I don’t see any upturned noses and looks of contempt when people sniff the Coconut Bodybutter. Bottom line is I never used coconut oil. Yes, not even Olive Oli. My dry, brittle, hay-like hair now is proof of this non-habit. I also got comparatively bad service throughout my life, just because I don’t speak Singlish very well or understand their Mandarin-Hokkien dialects.
Other problems also included things like the difficulty of getting a job. Since I’m not effectively billingual, even though I speak English and Tamil. (When I once duped that I can speak Mandarin, the recruiter asked me directly if I was Chinese. I said No, and she promptly said Sorry, Thank You and hung up.) But hey, my bad.

So, tell me if it’s alright if I get just a little pissed and annoyed at a glorified self-confessed cam-whoring blogger who whines about a pre-cooked prata cum bad service for just one day in her entire life? Hey. Taxis constantly skip me but stop for another passenger standing ahead of me. What is she talking about? What rattled me terribly was that she happily went on to say how warm pratas were served to (*suprise surprise*) other Indians. Just so she knows and gets it to her numb, ignorant skull, it is standard practice that pre-cooked pratas are packed for take-aways, since they can go and heat it up themselves at home. I get it. So do my other friends. However, if you are a customer, and you are going to eat it on the spot, you do expect warm ones. If you wanted to have a warm prata in the first place, maybe you should have convinced your meat-ball loving friends to eat pratas instead. And miss, your bloody annoying act-cute mannerisms won’t get you anywhere far for too long. (I am still reeling from disgust that she declared acting cute a bit to ask for warm prata. Ugh. Grow Up Woman! You represent the best of Asian bloggers, remember?) And then she writes a self-claimed Nationalistic post about foreign workers and how we have to be protected by the perverted ways. Granted. But generalising the whole community because of a few bad hats is a little too much. The truth is many of them are terrified of being caught by policemen here. They have huge loans to pay off and families to support, and know that getting entangled with the law here is going to leave them in trouble and in deep debts.

(A passing thought. Hey, aren’t we all bastard practitioners of the English language? We are still colonised and enslaved. That doesn’t stop you from writing in this language which is not yours and going on to winning awards. I wonder what the English feel about protecting their language from dim-witted practioners like you?)

ARGHHHHHHHHH.

How can she be so glorified and ignorant at the same time?? How can she write for publications?? How! How! How? She obviously seems like the most self-centered person I have come across in my entire life.(Don’t ask me to “Get to know her” for I feel your writing reflects a huge part of you, and uhm, after that experience, nah.) Her English.. well, let’s not even go there. And her constant swearing. One visit was enough to make me throw up a little, and then once more. Am I really the only one who feels this way?

(Don’t ask me why I have not whined about this on her comments page. Hey. I don’t want to be lambasted by her hoarde of other mindless, mind-numbingly ignorant fans. How utterly terrifying.)

Whirlwind of Things.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on November 16, 2006 by meera

A little hiatus from the blogosphere, I can see.
But my absence can be justified.
Just been caught up with a great deal of things.
There is the tussle between career development or education furthering or a mix of both.
Sometimes we come to a crossroads and we are forced to make a decision that will change our lives forever. It is all the more frightening when we know that this decision will determine the course of our lives and is usually irreversible since we can’t possibly turn back time. (at least with current science and technology) So… I guess I am caught smack in the middle of this process, thus have been a little caught up.

The SH also decided to indulge the little girl in me who was dying terribly to fight her way out.
Had a very nice afternoon the other day complete with a bubble set, a multi-coloured hand-held windmill, and a gooey rubber Strawberry filled with water and that could squish this way and that. The Strawberry grossed him out at first, but then he entertained himself with a little game by throwing it onto the metal bars of the swing I was swinging from and watching it slide down. *heh heh heh* And then we watched planes.

I can feel myself growing up. I really can. It is so strange.
Suddenly, I don’t really feel like clubbing much and have turned down a couple of invitations. I’d much rather chill at a lounge where there is soft, jazz music and sip on some sparkling Rose wine. I suddenly appreciate music from way back then and can actually appreciate the same music as my parents. *gasp*

For the past 10 months, I’ve been into gold jewellery (no, not the Little India Goldsmith kind), but normal, everyday jewellery in rose gold tones. For the first month or so, I thought it was a phase. But this preference has refused to budge. I actually cringe at silver jewellery. I just find it so… passe. I must be getting old.

Did I mention my expanding waistline and my terrible slow-down of my metabolic rate?

Darn.

Of School Discipline and the Parents of Today. Tsk.

Posted in Archive - All Entries, daily whinings on November 7, 2006 by meera

Spoilt. Thin-skinned. Pampered. No, I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about the children of the present. I grew increasingly disturbed over the past one year when I read in the papers of increasing cases and complaints against teachers. Today in The New Paper, a parent complained against a teacher for using the words, ‘stupid’, ‘suay’ and ‘numbskull’. The teacher has been sent for counselling.

…..

 I mean seriously. What is wrong with people??? After a six-month teaching stint (after which I have decided that this system is not my cup of tea), I realise that the attitude towards education is very different from the one my friends and I grew up with. In Primary School, I used to get pieces of chalk thrown onto my face and even the black board duster would find itself on the cheeks of a sleeping boy once in a while, leaving a coloured chalk mark on his face or hair, wherever it landed. Incomplete and slip shod work in lined exercise books were tossed out of the classrooms, and we had to crawl out and take it. Yes. It may all seem so barbaric. But I look back fondly. Not at the stinging chalk pieces, but at the fact that my teachers ingrained the idea that education was a privilege. We were all lucky to be there. Schools were for aquiring knowledge, and since we spent half our lives there (or more), they knew the responsibility of imparting ethics and morals to their charges. These times, it seems as though students feel that access to education is a right. While that is true, the other positive moulding attitudes do not seem to come along with that thought. It’s fine to be rude to teachers since it’s their right. It’s fine not to care, since it’s their right. It’s fine to be sloppy and push the boundaries since teachers nowadays can’t do much and their Papa and Mama will run to their rescue and ensure the teacher who used the word ‘stupid’ in class be sent for counselling, nevermind the daily stresses that a teacher goes through anyway.

 Parents play a very, very important role in the upbringing of children. It’s your children after all. But they must realise that the attitudes that they impart to their children through their  own behaviour is more crucial than it seems. By storming into the school every little time, the students fail to see their own responsibilty and role in daily life. Their actions are defended and even justified. It is an alarming trend, really.

 I think it is time that classroom discipline makes a comeback. It is under-rated and it’s importance is overlooked. I’m afraid we are breeding a hoard of nambypambies and God forbid, maybe even National Service might be of no help to them!  

P.S: I am also quite aware of the other side of the coin- teachers who abuse their authority and children/students/parents aware of the mechanism of efficient education. So, thoughts above, are a broad generalisation. 

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HELP STOP THE MINDLESS PROSECUTION OF TEACHERS!!! *cough*