Archive for June, 2006

Strikes Back.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on June 30, 2006 by meera

Meera’s culinary skills strikes back.
I cooked Ikan Bilis and potato sambal today.

Yummy.

Of Dance and Miracles.

Posted in Archive - All Entries, Reflection on June 26, 2006 by meera

Do you know how sometimes you wish for something so much but you feel that it is never going to happen so you push it to the back of your head, and suddenly one day it happens?
And suddenly you remember that wish, and what follows is surprise and a deep respect for the complete miraculous unpredictable nature of everyday life that gives you this boundless feeling of elation in your heart and light-headedness.

I was at work the other day and my handphone rang. I heard a familiar voice which tugged at my heartstrings but that which I could not put a name to. It was my dance teacher. She called me and we had such a good talk. For those who are not aware, I had stopped dance for about nearly a good six months. This was after some complications in my health and life in general. I was to go back to dancing after my exams. But my exams came and went. My results too. And then I started work. And still, I couldnt bring myself to pick up the phone and dial her number although I badly wanted to. For the past few weeks, there was this little voice in my head urging me to call her. I had to suppress this desire for dancing again. I tried not to watch classical dance programmes as it does nothing but fuel that need in me. Call it fear or cowardice, but I could not bring myself to call her. When she did, I felt that it was so unfair that she had to call and not me.

I'm not sure if anyone can understand this but I was so thankful and grateful that I nearly cried in the conversation. She told me never to stop dancing. And not to lose the art. I can't thank the Gods & Goddesses enough for this.. for placing me back on the right track, and righting the wrongs in my life, without even me trying.

Or maybe I just wished hard enough.
But I'm still thinking, maybe this was sheer destiny.

Leave me be, in my idealistic world. :)
I'm a happy girl.

P.S: I learned to play Vaseegara on the keyboard!! With chords and all. Thanks SLP. (I hope he teaches me more songs.. also for those who don't know, I used to play the Electone, another form of keyboard, for about five years.. it's all coming back to me now. oh, life is good. {again, i've digressed within parantheses}) 

:) I am a happy girl indeed. Music, Dance and finally, peace of mind and yet a sense of excitement and curiosity, of what life has instore for me and the abundant opportunities it offers.. what else can I ask for?

             p.s: a post-script for a post-script. yes, I know there's such a thing as
                    post-post-script, but the above must be the first blog post-script
                    with paragraphs. heehee. or okay maybe not. okay wait, I better
                    go off now. toodledeeee!

Kiss Me.

Posted in Archive - All Entries, Prose & Poetry on June 22, 2006 by meera

One of the loveliest songs ever created.
Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer.
Brings me back to times where life was simple. And sweet.
Happiness. :)
Need to play this song on loop softly, curl up on the couch with a good book,
and a mug of hot chocolate with Baileys.

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon’s sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We’ll take the trail marked on your father’s map

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon’s sparkling


So kiss me…

Bouncing ball.

Posted in Archive - All Entries on June 20, 2006 by meera

Hmm.

I've bounced back into this space.
Alamak.
Why is it so hard to stop blogging???
Now I have so many funny and stupid things to say, I actually typed out an entry and it sounded so bloody retarded and out of place with the rest of my deep, thought-provoking life experiences that I deleted it. argh.

Firstly, I must say something. Thank you very very very much for all those supportive comments. I never knew there were so many of you'll out there wishing me well. (though I know there are those who are waiting when I will fall flat on my face okay. dont think i dont know. i will find you. hunt you down. and pull out your nostril hair one by one.) ewwww! meeera!

Anyway, back to my point. Thank you all. I know I have bored you to tears with my sob stories but my life litereally was a  mini-SunTV megaserial. Enemies became friends. Friends became enemies. Strangers became lovers. My life is quite dramatic. And all along I was waiting for something super-exciting to happen to my monotonous, monochrome life, and ta-da! God handed me a surprise in a gift-wrapped time-bomb that exploded right before my exams. But somehow I cleared! So I need to add this too. I have graduated with a B.A. with Merit. I did well enough for continue for Honors who those who have asked, but after weighing my options, I have decided to work, and I am very happy with where I am now. :)

OKAY.
I need to go off now and am very tired. I am also gaining weight as mentioned.
Jogs in the parks beckon me as well.
But the Sandman comes first, so goodnight my lovelies!

Time Heals All Wounds

Posted in Archive - All Entries on June 12, 2006 by meera

I never ever beieved in that old adage, but I guess I do now.
I never believed even for one second that I will be able to bounce back up from where I came from, but I have.
It was extremely difficult to let go.
I cannot begin to desribe how difficult it was.
Every single place had memories. You could literally see the past being played out.
Those moments of laughter, subtle touches of intimacy like the graze of a hand, or lips on the cheek.
The whacky moments. The quiet contemplative ones.

Everything plays infront of you like an old movie reel.
You reach out to touch and feel, and then you realise that it doesn't matter anymore.
That you don't feel anything anymore.
While your heart expects some kind of overwhelming emotion of love, heartbreak and loss, you are gently surprised to find that the only graze of emotion is a mild nostalgia. You smile, shake your head a little, and walk away. Amused at how quickly things change, people change, you change, and the world doesn't stop spinning.

It was worse trying to accept a few things, and the way that these things were being justified, but then you realise that there is no point in caring about things like these anymore.
The truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.
People will choose to believe only what they want to.
And they will act accordingly.
Similarly, I have also realised through this period that people will also justify and validate their actions, in the worst possible ways, even though it does not make sense to the rest of the world (well, most of us anyway.), but you know what, as long as everyone is happy in the end, why should it matter, as long as you aren't hurting yourself, or other people around you. Something that I have been guilty of for a long time, and that took me a painful lesson to learn. The people you should never, ever hurt are those in your family, and I had done that for a little too long.

Four years later, I guess one thing that strikes me crystal clear, is that planning is not always a good thing. I get just a little amused at how we make our plans, all clear-cut and neat, only to find things turn three-hundred and sixty degrees, and that what you get in the end is something that you would have never, never imagined in your wildest dreams. (Infact, I think about it now and I am actually able to laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation.)

And then you realise that our dreams have to be built again. And this time, you know you can make it better. From scratch. No emotional baggage. And this is what I choose to see in my situation.

A lot of things have changed in my life. And my heart feels lighter. I feel lighter. (though I admit I have been piling on the pounds with sorbets and every other food imaginable thanks to SLP and family. hehe) My life has changed in many directions, and my soul feels cleaner now. My family, I am so so blessed for. I went to temple the other day and prayed for everyone involved in this mess. For their and my happiness. We have a lot of things to be blessed for, and as long as we realise this, I guess we can pick ourselves up no matter how many times we break.

As for myself and this blog, it was a very transcient thing this.
After four years of my life literally crashed and burned at diary-x, with no back-up, it was strange. It seemed so prophetic, did it not?
But I am moving on now.
And I am going to another place.
Thank you for bearing with me all of you, and for caring for me, more importantly, those faceless, nameless people, and my dearest, dearest friends.
For those of you who feel like they still want to hear my occasional rambling and musing, (I cannot imagine why!) and things and such, do e-mail me for my new address.
It might be interesting to see how the story goes on…

(but I'm not promising anything. ;) )