what the hell.

what the hell.

what the fucking hell.

i hate to swear. especially on my blog. but it's bloody time i took control of my life. why does it always have to surround around other people and depend on other people? the worst part of this whole thing is memories. i cant seem to get over the past. i keep reminiscing over and over and over again. like im stuck in a time warp. i see the past happening infront of me. i reach out to touch…. and it slips through my fingers. thin air. all that is left are distorted lies and half-baked truths. i dont know whether to laugh. or to cry. or to kick myself.


am i born this way? or was conditioned this way? or was i destined for unhappiness?

but i dont believe in destiny fully.

things are in our hands.

the most important thing in my life are my parents now. if i live, the only reason are my parents. im just hurt and disgusted. how would anyone know how much i care just because i dont show it? oh correct. assume. i dont show it equates to i dont care. justified. but that doesn't mean someone propogates that opinion. stab in my heart and twisted deeper. 

lies. hiding. what the hell. 

over. and. done.


One Response to “what the hell.”

  1. This ain’t no good. :) I hate to tell you this but the key of happiness lies in the hands of selfishness. You have to do things for you, not for others, you have to think for you, act for you and let others come to you instead of the other way around. only your true friends will remain after a while, I call it frienship cleansing… It is harsh, it sounds like a cliché but my wisdom and old age (haha) made me realiza all that after I was “screwed over” by people I thought cared for me… So please, don’t let others be your only reason to live, but live for yourself… (sounds like a Sprite commercial but it is true) good luck :)

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