You…

It is getting more and more difficult.. My mind is filled with thoughts of you….
So much of time we spent together. Dreamed together. Laughed. Smiled. Touched.
Where did all of these go?
How dangerous are lies? Neglect?
Why is it so hard?
I see your face everywhere.
Blocking out thoughts. Mundane thoughts of everyday life.
I see my phone. Waiting there. For me to dial your number. The one I have been dialling for over three years. How easy it was. 9384…. The numbers come so easily…
I want to call. Hear your voice again. The way it was.. how natural it was.. you and me.
It was like we were born to be together.

But I can't get myself to do it again. To call you..or hear your lies..or your voice.
I'm afraid, I'll be broken again. I'm afraid it will kick up dust.
Without you, life is different. I'm discovering life. Myself. My present.
The now. People.

How could something so special..magical like you and me..like us.. like that just come crumbling down?
Where there used to be a sharp pain that made it hard to breathe, there is a dull ache now. Discomfort, unease and numbness.
A dull ache.

How are you doing?
Are you doing okay?
Are you eating well?
Are you sleeping well?
How is work?
Have you planned about studies?
Have you moved on?
How is your family? The little one?
Do you still think about me the way that you used to?…

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9 Responses to “You…”

  1. Hello Hello Says:

    So sorry to hear your loss. Pls be strong & concentrate more on your future. Its the best for you & your family. I’m sure they would not like to see you in this way. Watever happened, just think that its for the best. What is meant to be yours will always belong to you. Take care….

  2. Lavathena Says:

    i would tell you to call…but thats my humble opinion….and you should be the one to make the decision…luvya baby..hang in there okie..*hug*

  3. Sojourner Says:

    It is hard to let go of something you’ve grown accustomed to for 3 years. You were so used to having him around. Ask yourself if it is that sense of security you hanker for.. It is easier to retreat into that 3 year old comfort zone, than to explore unchartered territory without him. If that is the reason you ache to dial his number, don’t.

    Dial his number because you honestly do cherish him and want him back for good. Do it because there still is Love. Do it because he is indispensable.

    “How could something so special..magical like you and me..like us.. like that just come crumbling down?”

    How sweety? You still believe in its magic.

    Love in the light.

  4. hello hello: the problem is that my future is tied.. its like my past is hanging on to me.. until my exams are over. and then i have to make the real decision. and the prospect of it is frightening. i’ve never not looked forward to the end of exams…

    lavathena: sigh. thank you baby. *hug*

    sojourner: yes it is very very hard. he was my security blanket. even now. i know if we ever get back together, my life is already set. there. for the next i dont know how many years. work. house. kids. car. life. everything. and yes… i still believe in its magic.. but love… i think i will never stop loving him.. but im not sure.. if we can live together without tearing our hair apart.

  5. Drama-mama Says:

    Hmm … darling, do you think anyone can ever live with someone, wake up with them, sleep with them, eat with them, do everything together, spend so much time together – live in the same house – and not want to tear their hair apart? Isn’t that what it’s all about? Living an entire life together, loving each other, pulling each others’ hair out, but being together on the last day of your life? *haha-sounds funny, but think about it* *muaks*

  6. pulling each others’ hair out..and communication breakdown, where you feel like you’re talking to an empty space, are two different things sweetheart.. i wish it was that simple.

  7. tks cre & move on wif life..

  8. tinkerbell Says:

    communication breakdowns are inevitable in every relationship dearie. feeling that the person is gone. n no hope, despair. at that point most people choose to give up n not fight. thru that fight u myt discover the love n grow to realise what u have missed and taken granted for in the past few years. ultimately its up to u, but three years should never be given up without a fight. every relationship has its tests. those who want it bad enought fight for it.

  9. Drama-mama Says:

    ok let me put it differently. Ask any woman. Who has been happily married for years. Or even not for years. Better to ask a woman who has been happily married for years, how often she feels like she is talking to an empty space.
    Honestly baby. Just ask around.
    I feel like u might be moving into a phase that is new. And it’s scary for you. But before you decide it is a problem unique to you and him, and it is a problem which has only this solution, just give it a chance by asking women who are happily married if they feel the way you might have.
    Could it just be a result of too much too long?
    Does it just need to move to the next level?
    Hang in there dear.

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