My Blog & I.

My blog and I have a very peculiar relationship.
I have been through three blogs since I was seventeen. And they all chronicled different parts of my life. The first I remember was called CursedCrytal, hosted by DeadJournal. Oh, the angst-filled adoloscence. It was all about the A levels and uhm, yes, general angst. Of course this was way, way before blogging started to get hyped up. Before word-warring and the likes. It was just an avenue to write and write and write away all your thoughts and emotions.

And then. The second phase. Through University. Highpriestess @ Diary-X. That had fond memories. The last bit of JC through the last year of University. Different experiences, different thoughts and emotions. It was then blogging started becoming a fad, and I helped start up a few blogs for my friends.

And then. One fine day. At the cusp of my life’s culmination of confusion and mayhem, Diary-X decides to crash on me. Four years of writing, some backed up, some not, all swirled down the drainage pipes. It was so depressing. But it didn’t prepare me for what lay ahead.

And now this. Highpriestess @ WordPress. Through all my blogs, my writings have steadily gained a readership, but mostly close friends and passerbys. I have written a fair amount over the past 7 years and a few posts have recieved their fair amount of harsh comments and criticisms while some backlashed and backfired.

The reason I write is because I gain some form of relief through words. While a couple of thoughts are too private and find themselves password protected, most are laid bare, like my heart pinned on my sleeve. I have had well-wishers, I have had detractors, I have had friends who have found my writings too depressing. But, in most scenarios, I don’t slander. As much as the temptation heats up to splash names and condemn till I feel fully satisfied, I can’t stoop to low levels.

See. Take the certain blogger I harshly critcised recently. So many people can’t stand her. But it’ll be wrong (as Raji rightly pointed out) to ask her to censor her writing. But because blogs are viewed as publications, some discretion has to be advised, and thus sensitive racial and national issues should be avoided. That doesn’t stop her of course, as there are as many name-splashing, photograph-shaming as racial slurs on her blog. And no one stops her. They try, but they can’t. It is up to her to practise discretion and
avoid stepping on the wrong toes.

Now. Let’s get back to me. There is only one reason I ever censor my writing or remove posts, and that’s because of my family. If there are going to be repercussions that will affect my closest circle, I am not going to risk it. However, a recent post that has garnered a flurry of activity has left me completely frustrated and angry. It is good enough that I don’t mention names. But apparently it is not. The thing about blogging is this. I can lie if I want to. Write completely fictional stories if I want to. But why should I? I could have done that a long time ago. Or heck, I could have wrote a book.

There were two things that irritated me completely.
1) Comment by a particular Jade.
(I could re-publish the comment here, but because it reveals too much of information about the ex, whose present life is of no concern to me or to anyone who reads here, I am leaving it out.)
See, I invite criticisms on the material of the post itself. One could choose to disagree with me with what I write and try to introduce a fresh perspective. But the funniest thing happened, and through Jade’s comment, there is a suggestion that the ex fell in love with a friend. Something that I did not mention in my post. He might, he might not have. I don’t care. What I care about and what I write is what has happened to me and what I feel. Which is why my dears, please refrain from being know-it-alls, and don’t bring personal information into the picture. It is my blog afterall, and if I have taken the responsibilty to not act like a shmuck and claim that I know everything, do the same. Or as I suggested, start your own. I also do not appreciate inaccurate information about my dating habits. It sickens me to no end. Check and double-check your information. Don’t come trotting in here like a superb genius and spew nonsense and invite guffaws of laughter from people who know better. It makes you look like an absolute fool and is highly comical. Also, please keep your name calling such as Hypocrite, away from me. And don’t get sucked back to Primary School. If you have a bone to pick with me, pick it with me directly.

2) Pick the bone with me directly.
I am going to write this here once and for all. Do Not Piss Me Off.
I have edited and password protected previous posts because of some concerns, and I may do the same if your concerns are justified. But I do not appreciate anyone passing a message through my family to censor what I write. Please. Grow up. What? You need to run to daddy or mommy to allay your fears? Listen. If you feel cornered and totally maligned by what I write, tell your story as you like it. Do not come threatening me or my family that you might have to tell your version that might tarnish my reputation. Go ahead. Spew it all out. Tarnish my pristine reputation. Since you do have an audience that buys your trash, fine.  I don’t care! The people who matter to me know better, (and trust me they know you and the lies you’ve been telling and are waiting to expose you and gasp! that just might be my family. so don’t put yourself up again to look like an absolute nitwit) But here’s another model answer if people pester you about what I write that you/they have assumed to be you. “Huh? What is she talking about? Don’t listen to her la. Of course she’s lying.” See. That saves you trouble and me trouble. I don’t run to your dad complaining about your illicit behaviour, do I? So, correct me if I expect the same.

Ah. Off my shoulders.
The thing that frustrates me tremendously is people disturbing me when I do not disturb them. If my writing disturbs you, again, just don’t read. I mean, those who have vouched never to read me, continue to read me and that just serves to irritate them further. Why put yourself through all these troubles? Strike me off your list. Ban my address so that if and when the temptation strikes and your itchy fingers start to type in my address, your computer shuts down. Once you have decided not to read, stick with that vow. Don’t cause yourself and me unneccesary trouble. If you don’t like me, why are you trying to find out about my life? Don’t preach to me about what I should or should not write. Even Jade proclaimed that I typed “politically correct”. However, strangely, Jade seems to think it is hypocritical. Well. Let’s just say I am. I am downright hypocritical and all I write are lies. Do I malign and slander and shame? No. So please. Take it somewhere else. My family and I have so many important things to do and decide that we absolutely have no time to entertain this kind of rubbish. And bringing my blogging to attention to the ‘elders’  is immature. MOVE ON, darn it. I kinda regret blocking off that post after friends have told me that nothing there is finger-pointy and since it is my space, I should write as I please.

This will be the last time. Don’t make me furious, really.
Take your personal issues out of here and deal with them.
Open up a new space, or furiously type about how a particular blogger such as myself has irritated you. And wait for the comments.
Chances are, you’ll get something like, “If you don’t like it, why read?“
I can be a brat and say hey, this is MY place and I will write what I WANT and what I FEEL and if YOU don’t like it, YOU can kindly take your stinky little bottom out of HERE.

But hey, maybe I should just say it. ;)

Growing up & Shopping.

Other than certain events that have transpired over the past few days to completely irritate the hell out of me (I am so pissed, I could launch a canon filled with rotten pig guts and dead fish to a couple of faces), there is an important decision that I have to make about my life.

Ah. Choices, choices, choices that will change the course of my life.
I don’t know which path to take. The safer, stable one?
The little riskier one that I am interested in?
Or risk losing both?

I don’t like making decisions.
It gets a little taxing on the brain sometimes.
(unless it’s deciding on launching that canon. that’s an easy-peasy decision.) :S
P.S: How can I forget??? Drove to Vivocity with Mom and SH yesterday for the Grand Opening. Just to watch fireworks actually. But I am completely addicted to the place. Completely. It’s consumer’s paradise. A shopper’s heaven. A haven. Ok, ok, you must get the drift. The place is so huge and interestingly designed, I can understand what the hype is all about. Even before the opening, I was trotting in and out of the place to take in the new shopping-mall smell. Guess (Handbags after Handbags after Handbags!). GAP. Bebe. This new chic, easy on the pocket place, Fashion City. Bought a spanking new suit. Great for the work place. What else? Oooh! Body Shop! (a little small but yes.) L’Occitane! La Senza! And more! More! More!

Moving on. But yesterday was fantastic. An opening ceremony to match the place. The fireworks seemed better than National Day’s, and the view was unblocked and breath-taking, right above Sentosa. Yours Truly took a one minute video clip of the fireworks, only to accidentally delete it. (Ugh!) But there are a couple of few-seconds clips to compensate my viewing pleasure, but arghhh. Well, that’s about it. Time to scoot! (Oh no. Just remembered about that decision. Crap. I lost sleep over that last night. And I’m losing precious brain hours now. Crap.)

Of School Discipline and the Parents of Today. Tsk.

Spoilt. Thin-skinned. Pampered. No, I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about the children of the present. I grew increasingly disturbed over the past one year when I read in the papers of increasing cases and complaints against teachers. Today in The New Paper, a parent complained against a teacher for using the words, ’stupid’, ’suay’ and ‘numbskull’. The teacher has been sent for counselling.

…..

 I mean seriously. What is wrong with people??? After a six-month teaching stint (after which I have decided that this system is not my cup of tea), I realise that the attitude towards education is very different from the one my friends and I grew up with. In Primary School, I used to get pieces of chalk thrown onto my face and even the black board duster would find itself on the cheeks of a sleeping boy once in a while, leaving a coloured chalk mark on his face or hair, wherever it landed. Incomplete and slip shod work in lined exercise books were tossed out of the classrooms, and we had to crawl out and take it. Yes. It may all seem so barbaric. But I look back fondly. Not at the stinging chalk pieces, but at the fact that my teachers ingrained the idea that education was a privilege. We were all lucky to be there. Schools were for aquiring knowledge, and since we spent half our lives there (or more), they knew the responsibility of imparting ethics and morals to their charges. These times, it seems as though students feel that access to education is a right. While that is true, the other positive moulding attitudes do not seem to come along with that thought. It’s fine to be rude to teachers since it’s their right. It’s fine not to care, since it’s their right. It’s fine to be sloppy and push the boundaries since teachers nowadays can’t do much and their Papa and Mama will run to their rescue and ensure the teacher who used the word ’stupid’ in class be sent for counselling, nevermind the daily stresses that a teacher goes through anyway.

 Parents play a very, very important role in the upbringing of children. It’s your children after all. But they must realise that the attitudes that they impart to their children through their  own behaviour is more crucial than it seems. By storming into the school every little time, the students fail to see their own responsibilty and role in daily life. Their actions are defended and even justified. It is an alarming trend, really.

 I think it is time that classroom discipline makes a comeback. It is under-rated and it’s importance is overlooked. I’m afraid we are breeding a hoard of nambypambies and God forbid, maybe even National Service might be of no help to them!  

P.S: I am also quite aware of the other side of the coin- teachers who abuse their authority and children/students/parents aware of the mechanism of efficient education. So, thoughts above, are a broad generalisation. 

HELP STOP THE MINDLESS PROSECUTION OF TEACHERS!!! *cough*

Meerampty Dumpty Had a Great Fall.

Let me be clear.
The Highpriestess NEVER falls.
Who the hell am I kidding?
I fall at the rate of water evoporating at 200 deg celcius.
Okay. That might be a tad bit of an exaggeration.
But today, I had the greatest fall ever infront of two male colleagues.
How utterly humiliating.

Why I am doing this I do not know. But I have to relive every shameful moment. It’s a self-mutilating thing. Today is Friday. And my schedule was filled. Tests to be administered. Worksheets to be given out. And tons of other things. As I rushed collating info on the laptop, and then rushed out of my little cubicle, I bumped into a male colleague who was rushing out of his office. Then we both had a mini-heart attack, recovered and that bump moment was over and done in one second.

My next moment never came. Well it came but all I remember was putting one leg forward. Heck, I don’t even remember that. All I remember is that the next thing, I find myself sprawled flat face down on the floor, my laptop bag swung on my left and my notes swung to my right. I faintly heard my colleagues gasping. HOW HIDEOUS. The joke was, that my male colleague makes women fall all over him. RIGHT.

Just that I didn’t fall over him, but flat on the vinyl floor mat. DAMN the mat. I gingerly got up, salvaging any last shred of dignity left in me and said, I’m okay!. And I walked on. Throughout the whole day, I had to suppress little sobs of laughter as I imagined myself lying at the door of the office like a dead frog.

lackofsleep.lackofsleep.lackofsleep. stillhavetimetodream.

I have slept for a grand total of 7 hours in the past three days. One day ago it was 2 hours. the next day it was 1 hour. and today it was for 4 hours. brilliant brilliant!
This week is really scary..I mean I know I say that almost every week but this week is REALLY SCARY. I have two essays due on Friday, and one class test on Friday, which is annoying me because it is online and my computer is not wired to the school’s internet and I have class before that. argh. im not very worried about the test because it is on Feminism, and I don’t really mind that. It’s the essays I am more worried about. I am planning on finishing one essay by tonight. Then again, I said that last week. Nooooo. I can’t do that. I have to finish it TODAY. And then start on my other one. Then the rst of the week I can revise both and study for my test. Ok sounds like a plan.

The past few days have been really interesting. Have met someone and that is going rather interestingly.. for a lack of choice of other words.. I don’t know much about him to be honest.. I don’t even know who to ask. But well.. it’s the process. And couple that with a lack of sleep, everything seems like a dream. Like an illusion.. that I can’t seem to distinguish between skin and dreams. Sigh. Where is this going to lead to? What will happen? I don’t know. And I don’t think it is very important at this moment. I’m taking it one day at a time.. and I think that is important. The funniest thing is that through this situation, I learned so many things about a previous situation, and realise just how people can actually lie through their teeth and get away with it! I’m glad I’m out of that one…

OH. On the health front, my right eye is really getting infected. If I go into details, it’s going to be super gross, so i won’t. Let’s just say that my eye has this tendency to clog up because of an infection..sinus and everything.. and my eye hurts and burns… and when I use an eyedrop, it’s like as if I squirted chilli juice into it and because I keep rubbing my eye, the soft skin around it is so thin and has abrasions. i look awful. and contacts are out of the question for a bit. sigh.

Vaanavil yesterday was really good! thank you for all your support! it was a success and it went smoothly. the primary school kids are really cute and the winners were so happy! :) so that is really nice. after that, thanks to a very influential friend, the other part of M-square, I was literally dragged half-blind to the club. Somehow we always bump into friends which is a good thing! My legs are killing me. I asked for it. I only blame myself. Like now. when i should be doing my work! Okay I’m out of here.

P.S.: My Friendster Horoscope:

The Bottom Line

More than ever, it’s vital for you to be open to change. Opportunity is knocking.

In Detail

Tell them all what you think — everyone — even if you’ve suddenly realized that it’s going to startle them by revealing a romantic secret. Your list of priorities has changed — and drastically, too — just recently. It’s okay. It’s not all that odd. One event can open our eyes and allow us to see things clearly, and that may be what’s happened now. Make your announcement, and don’t worry. All’s well that ends well, as they say.

meera’s note: HEE HEE HEE.