Confronting the Choices that will Change the Path of My Life.

I’m all of twenty-three.
I feel old, and young at the same time.
And I have been confronted with a very difficult choice to make, and it is getting increasingly difficult as my brain tries to sort these issues out and navigate the way.
As a fresh graduate, you start off with high hopes and brace yourself for disappointments, but somehow over the course of months of job-hunting, you realise that the world cannot be seen in rose-tinted glasses. So, what happens next? A cushy job comes along. A comfortable, secure job comes a long, and you take it. And this is where my predicament starts. I love my job. I like what I’m doing, but I don’t see myself here in the next 5 years. It’s not something I’ve always wanted to do since I was a kid, but it is enough, if you know what I mean.

Yesterday, a proposition was made to me. An offer. It’s in the private sector, and it certainly does not guarantee a stable income, but I know that at least, I will have personal freedom there. It’s by no means an easy job. It’s not as mind-numbing as what I am doing now. It’s exciting. It’s dynamic. It’s fairly new territory that I have been exposed to previously, but now it is a far too tempting offer. And this time, my parents have given their blessings. And I am torn. Only 1/2 a year through my job, and I have already set up a comfort zone which I swore not to have. But things happen.

At 23, do you settle for the first cushy thing that comes around? Or do you keep looking? Suddenly, the answer seems more obvious. I do have no commitments at the current moment, but in a stable job, you have steady income and the money comes in every month without fail. No worries. How is it that I used to be a creature that refused to be trapped in society’s expectations? The typical- Graduate, Civil Servant, Car, HDB route that I loathed. How is it that suddenly,I find it difficult to break out of this comfort zone? That I don’t hate this typical route anymore. It’s frightening.

Occasionally at work, I find something stirring in me. The self-questioning. The contemplation. The quintessential “Why am I here?” question. Because I know that there are some very dear friends out there, tell me, if you were in a similar situation.. what would you do? I know what I should do.. but asking what I would do seems to give an entirely different picture… Why this difference?

Smirkers.

Sudden Rush of Annoyance:

Honestly, he seriously has to wipe that stupid smirk off his face.
It is annoying.
Very, very annoying.
Not to me alone, but to a lot of other people.
And when I say a lot, I really mean a lot.
The guts and the audacity.
I mean one has to earn a certain standard in society to be allowed to smirk in public and get away with it, at the least?
But what I don’t understand is him.
This random person in the world wide society. Who is a certified zero hero. Who thinks it’s his birthright to smirk.
Smirkers… Annoyances.

Vent over.

Ordinary People

Lately, I haven’t been inspired to write.
I don’t know why, even though I have been inspired by so many things, and have seen some of the most beautiful things.
And lately, I’ve been feeling melancholic.
It’s strange.
Well, a very nice song here.
Let it load fully, it’ll be worth the wait. :)

Indian Cultural Shows.

I have been involved in a few of the above-mentioned and it has always been fun, especially if your organising committee are committed and are a good bunch of friends outside of school. Fun aside, tons of hard work and blood and sweat goes into it, not forgetting the pinch of politics. When it comes to shows that I have been part of, I have no problem walking up and down and just being another organiser in a saree. But when it comes to attending an event like this organised by another school, I get a little nervous and jittery. Yesterday, I attended a similar event after eons because we were given complimentary tickets.

It has always been this case. My jitter-struck nerves. I’m not sure why. I’m 23, and quite far from the heart of politics. I mean, my time has come and gone. But, then you realise that the Indian committee is so small. You see a familiar face that you’re not sure whether you should acknowledge or just pretend you did not see. Just as my lips nearly parted into a smile with the accompanying nod well on its way, something struck me and I realised that even though years may have passed, it was not really the same. And it may not be. Afterall, we were just acquaintances. But then, when do we grow up? Maybe ten years down the road, we may be able to not pretend that we have not seen each other again.

Anyway. So as I was saying. Indians generally make me nervous. Even though about 2/3 of the people there were younger than me. I tried not to make eye contact and just swept my gaze on the shiny tiled floors. Once in a while, there were the occasional handshakes and friends from the past of the past. That was the nice bit. The show was pretty alright but unfortunately at the expected time it was supposed to have drawn to a close, the end was hardly in sight, and we had to make a mad dash for a birthday chalet.

I don’t like leaving shows early. It is disruptive and there is a high risk of tripping over an invinsible stair and breaking your neck and severely handicapping any remaining shred of dignity. I must say, the Chinese boy ushering at the auditorium was extremely polite and friendly, and guided us out of the highly hostile auditorium, complete with shaky stairs and dim lighting. (duh, it’s an auditorium) ;) But I still don’t like walking out of shows early, and worse, having to retrace your steps after realising that firstly, one way out involved a majestic walk along the front of the stage infront of the entire auditorium and secondly, the other way was through a door which was almost right behind our seats at the back of the auditorium. So it was, the disruptive creak-creak up the aisle again alongside the seated audience.

I know I am supposed to be blogging about the big date. (which went perfectly well, by the way) But that will come later. I am highly disturbed and disappointed with certain happenings at the chalet yesterday, and am really not in the mood. Today, I’m just going to take a breather and enjoy my lazy normal Sunday. Perhaps, a tall glass of sparkling lemonade, a game of Scrabble, some tamil movie running in the background, and my trusted Lemony Snicket Book. I’m at Book 9 and I can’t stop reading. On the same note, I am aware that my Snicket series is soon coming to an end, and now I’m looking for serial books as well. I saw this Disney The Annette Mysteries series at Popular and promptly grabbed it. It had four books designed with beautiful vintage art and the price was excellent. Ahh. Books, books, books. :) Well, I’m off to enjoy my lazy Sunday.

Ta!

Muse & Musing.

Something nice a mysterious-poet friend did for me.

I need to learn how to use photoshop.

Thank you, myserious poet friend. 

 P.S: Highpriestess is having pre-date excitement and jitters. :)