Strange sightings.

I went for an ethnic event yesterday held at a community center. Met so many people. From my secondary school, to old friends (what a sad term), to friends, and friends of friends, ex-crushes, and the Ex  (*drum roll please*). As he walked in, he couldn’t see me, but I could, since I was seated, among small gasps from my friends, and ‘tsk-tsk-ing’. It was rather surreal.

Anyway. I have finally seen what I was waiting to see for a very long time. Although I’ve heard a lot, involuntarily and voluntarily, and heard about other sightings, there was something in me that had to witness this phenomenon personally. And I did. I was expecting some grand build-up to a volatile volcanic eruption, but upon that sight, I felt a little less than a fly rustling its tiny wings. I smiled, looked down, shook my head a little and that was that. Two years ago, things were a lot more different. At the very same hall, I was on stage. And he was there.

I guess life is such. You can never prepare yourself for how life will unravel itself in two years. Well. As long as everyone is happy I guess, why should it matter? My mild confusion shouldn’t count.

Another strange thing happened. Or rather didn’t happen. People have asked me why I have not moved on. Why I can’t commit. I said something along the lines of I had to see him move on first, before I could. And although I now have, nothing much has changed in me. I am still a little terrified of the word commitment. Or as oblivious as a cow grazing on a field of marijuana. ;) But, I think that’s another story for another day.

However, as I sat there with my friends, who shared in my mild amazement, I felt like a better person, a stronger person. As one of my dearest held my hand and face, I squeezed her hand back, and that was enough. I knew I was loved, and this mere thought was enough. I knew that I have a bigger world out there that matters more. Even admidst the show, friends sms-ed, one who declared “Mein Gott” (heh heh, you always crack me up, hon.). It took me this long to realise, but my heart is full. That there are bigger and better things out there for me. And maybe, just maybe, I could really be happy. :)

Moving on. I wanted to stay longer for the show, but I had to leave for my dance mate’s 21st party. She looked absolutely gorgeous. (Man, that was one gem of a saree!) Music was good, hosting was good, the dance floor was great. Although I was late, I was so glad I made it. Saw all my girls I haven’t seen in months. Miss them absolutely. Can’t wait to get back in class next month. Really can’t wait.

And then, last night I had the strangest dream. Hmm. But I can’t remember much admidst the pain of the sprain of my big toe. Ouch. Shall limp away to lunch now. I realise how random this entry is, but oh well. It’s fare thee well for now. (in every sense of the phrase.) *smile*

Arcade Wonderland

I have been making a couple of trips to the Games Arcade recently in Tampines Mall.
I used to go when I was really young.
And then when I grew up, I used to go with my brother, not frequently, but occasionally, and we used to play Daytona and race.
And then we grew up some more and got our own lives, and I stopped.
And recently I’ve been going again with some friends.
I am hooked on two games, other than Daytona.

One is House of Dead. Where zombies and rotting creatures pop up on the videoscreen and you have to get them before they get you.
The other is a game I just discovered, and am completely addicted to.
The whole game set consists of a huge video screen and a bicycle thing, which you have to sit on and paddle.
The game is this: You get on the bicycle thing and then when you watch the screen, you realise you are actually on this half-plane half-bicycle thing. You cycle off the cliff and then you start flying. As you fly through the hills and valleys, you have to go burst these huge floating balloons to gain points and even extra-time.
The best part is that they actually have a small vent infront of you that has air blowing out of it, to make it seem like you are really flying. The faster you paddle and fly, the harder the wind.

What I love most about this is that I am in a completely different world. You go through valleys. As you fly over hills, you fly over a moving old-fashioned train. You can enter a cave behind a waterfall. The cave is another world by itself. Tints of blue and red. How wonderful. The worries of the mundane real world are left behind, as your only aim for that few minutes is to pop as many red floating balloons as you can. Who cares about being pressured of getting a proper job? About paying bills? About love and the rollercoaster rides that come with it? About life? Balloons rule!

It is such a lovely, fantasy game, I love it!

I am super-hooked.
And then I played Air Hockey, and lost 17-3.

I think I shall stick with my flying bicycle. :P
Either that, or I shall grow up.

Ugh.

That’s it.
I have lost even the slightest trace of any ability to sustain a mature, loving, level-headed relationship.
I can have my soulmate (if there’s even such a thing) standing there infront of me, and I would be as oblivious as a cow grazing on a field of marijuana.

Argh.

Dear Blog..

Dear Blog,

I apologise for my long hiatus. A lot of things have happened in my life lately.
Too many events, in too little time.
And my brain is having trouble accomodating all of these new pieces of information.
On top of these unfolding of new events, memories and questions of the past arise,
like a ghostly spectre rising from the tombstones of a past long gone,
clouding the future, halting me at every single step of the way.
The hurt has subsided quite a bit, but the hypocrisy stuns me over and over.
How can one suddenly be the thickest of friends with people who once irked and irritated?
And that I had to defend?
It’s odd really.
Too odd.
How entire stories are flipped, and the best part, are believed by people who should know

better really stumps me.
I know this should be the last thing I should think about, but some things like thoughts are really hard to control.
I feel that I should make things clear, and put the evidence there in their face, but my people think it’s pointless.
That people will only believe what they want to.
So be it. It just gets under my skin. I should stop caring, really.
ANYWAY, EVENTS UPDATE:
*Friends Back From Abroad
Yippee.
This I am really glad about. Three friends are back from the UK and Australia,
and although I am extremely happy that they are finally on at least the same continent as yours truly, I have not had enough time to catch up with them proper.
But whatever little time I spent was terrific.
Our little club escapade, mad dancing, little birthday gathering, sipping wine on the swing, contemplation, everything seemed so.. back at home. Normal. It’s times like these which make me feel blessed.
Thank you darlings.
*Commencement 2006
Ah. Graduated with Merit.
How my heart filled with pride. For my parents.
It was more emotional than I imagined it to be. So this was what it all came down to.
The endless slogging for PSLE.
The mugging for O’ levels.
The crashing for A’ levels.
The half-baked to ‘excellent’ Uni. assignments.
All of these came flashing back to me as I stood in the line with the rest of the graduands, awaiting my name to be called.
It was exactly how I pictured it to be.
After the ceremony, it was shutter-happy moments with two close friends who have seen me through heavy dance makeup, through mistakes and then now with my mortar board and scroll.
It really meant a great deal.
This was one day which I never gave much importance to, but then felt that perhaps, I should have.
*Fever!
Right after that, perfect timing, struck by the darned virus that has been going around.
Fever hit 40 degrees, and there was one moment where I had a vision.
I was a little girl, hair in two braids, and I was running around a vast, green field looking for something.
That was freaky. Anyway, I was stuck in bed for one whole week and it sucked major.
Now I have so much of work piled up, it is sickening.
But Meera being Meera is fast, and I have caught up rather well.
Whoooopeeeedooooooooo!
*Love & Life
This is proving to be extremely difficult. I am very blessed to be surrounded by people who love and care for me so much. And unconditionally.
Unfortunately, my heart refuses to open itself.
I am afraid I am huting a lot of people around me, but it has been very very difficult.
I guess I’m not ready. I know it’s expected.
But I need to stop saying stupid things.
But since I’m quite well known for having a capacity of doing exactly that, it is difficult.
I always thought that I had to look for love.
But this time round, love has found me, and yet, my heart refuses to open itself.
I just hope I don’t lose the things that I have been more than blessed to receive. But the thing is that I want to love. I don’t want to love the way I did. I deserved more than that.
I want to love unconditionally. I want to feel it in my bones. In my heart. But it is just not easy… at all.
Ahhhhhhh. Oh well.

Okay.
I guess I have updated enough for myself to read months from now.
Boring mundane things, but I am done.
Toodledeeedum. Time to move.

Yours,
Highpriestess