lackofsleep.lackofsleep.lackofsleep. stillhavetimetodream.

I have slept for a grand total of 7 hours in the past three days. One day ago it was 2 hours. the next day it was 1 hour. and today it was for 4 hours. brilliant brilliant!
This week is really scary..I mean I know I say that almost every week but this week is REALLY SCARY. I have two essays due on Friday, and one class test on Friday, which is annoying me because it is online and my computer is not wired to the school’s internet and I have class before that. argh. im not very worried about the test because it is on Feminism, and I don’t really mind that. It’s the essays I am more worried about. I am planning on finishing one essay by tonight. Then again, I said that last week. Nooooo. I can’t do that. I have to finish it TODAY. And then start on my other one. Then the rst of the week I can revise both and study for my test. Ok sounds like a plan.

The past few days have been really interesting. Have met someone and that is going rather interestingly.. for a lack of choice of other words.. I don’t know much about him to be honest.. I don’t even know who to ask. But well.. it’s the process. And couple that with a lack of sleep, everything seems like a dream. Like an illusion.. that I can’t seem to distinguish between skin and dreams. Sigh. Where is this going to lead to? What will happen? I don’t know. And I don’t think it is very important at this moment. I’m taking it one day at a time.. and I think that is important. The funniest thing is that through this situation, I learned so many things about a previous situation, and realise just how people can actually lie through their teeth and get away with it! I’m glad I’m out of that one…

OH. On the health front, my right eye is really getting infected. If I go into details, it’s going to be super gross, so i won’t. Let’s just say that my eye has this tendency to clog up because of an infection..sinus and everything.. and my eye hurts and burns… and when I use an eyedrop, it’s like as if I squirted chilli juice into it and because I keep rubbing my eye, the soft skin around it is so thin and has abrasions. i look awful. and contacts are out of the question for a bit. sigh.

Vaanavil yesterday was really good! thank you for all your support! it was a success and it went smoothly. the primary school kids are really cute and the winners were so happy! :) so that is really nice. after that, thanks to a very influential friend, the other part of M-square, I was literally dragged half-blind to the club. Somehow we always bump into friends which is a good thing! My legs are killing me. I asked for it. I only blame myself. Like now. when i should be doing my work! Okay I’m out of here.

P.S.: My Friendster Horoscope:

The Bottom Line

More than ever, it’s vital for you to be open to change. Opportunity is knocking.

In Detail

Tell them all what you think — everyone — even if you’ve suddenly realized that it’s going to startle them by revealing a romantic secret. Your list of priorities has changed — and drastically, too — just recently. It’s okay. It’s not all that odd. One event can open our eyes and allow us to see things clearly, and that may be what’s happened now. Make your announcement, and don’t worry. All’s well that ends well, as they say.

meera’s note: HEE HEE HEE.

Brokeback mountain.

I think my life is so full of highs and lows.
But what is frightening is that the lows are really lows, and the highs are just too high, that I get breathless. And dizzy.
Almost like a sedating drug. That keeps you sane. And happy.
Like nature's prozac.
And then life sends a whopper of a low, and you break down, and fall on your knees.
Yesterday was a low.
Today was a high.

Why?
I don't know. I watched Brokeback Mountain today. At Suntec. The movie…It was quite sad. And seeing guy-on-guy action was a little uncomfortable (only because it was new). But still, their feelings , and the way the emotions were portrayed were so subtle and well, I liked it.

It was good just getting out of the house, out of school, and just for once, go out, not have drinks or loud blaring music, and just chill with a friend and catch a movie, and eat popcorn. I was lucky that I had good company. We talked, laughed, watched the movie, became squeamish together and laughed uneasily, and then had a nice dinner at an Indian food place at Marina. He was really sweet. But I don't understand why I find myself in potentially complicated situations. I seem to have a knack for getting myself messed up in all sorts of political webs, even though I do try to avoid it. Or maybe, I have really stopped bothering.

Life is too short.
With the exclusion of your family, live it the way you want to (without hurting anyone), and heck the rest of 'em. Afterall, life comes once. Just once.

…

Numb.

It's getting harder and harder.
She sits in a corner, afraid of being discovered.
Afraid to be found out
That her smiles are lies.
She's a fake.
And it hurts.
Why did it have to be this way.
And again? And again?
Numb.

Family day.

Ahhhh. I think I am having too much fun. Why weren't the holidays like that? Where I could have enjoyed and savoured every single moment guilt-free?
Haha.
Today, I spent the whole day with my mom & dad. They were on leave today to send my brother off for his posting. Yes. He is such a brat. But I didn't go because I really couldn't wake up. Around noon, parents picked me up and we went to Starhub @ Cuppage, and got me a spanking new phone! hehehe YAY! I am so happy. It's a Samsung E360. Sleek. Silver. Is a flip-phone. And has a screen on the front. I'm not a huge fan of phone functions, and I'm really slow because I haven't ever had a phone with a camera or an mp3 player or even a voice-recorder. And this phone has everything! Even a radio! I feel so country-bumpkinish, but yay! And it's not bulky at that. Super sexy phone. Anyway. So I'm really quite a happy girl. I also collected my camera back from Canon. And they have changed both the lens and the mainboard. So that is good news. I hope my dear camera stays loyal to me like how I have!!

I have not started on my work. Which is quite scary, keeping in mind that I've got 2 essays due in 2 weeks. So I am aiming to finish at least one essay by this week, and have at least an introduction done for the second one. Yes. I shall do that.

Other than that, my mood has been really quite good recently. I'm able to breathe better, and to smile and laugh, and to just take one day at a time. One minute, one second.. I think when you decide to walk away, and when you finally do, things turn for the better.

I thank God. :)

Saturday Night Fever.

I had such a terribly wonderful Saturday that I feel so guilty about it.
Once in a while, my acts of stupidity do come back to haunt me, and then I get all spaced out and I can't get anything done. But the past week has been filled to the brim with work, and I had to force myself (with the help of a very good friend), to camp in the Airport with the laptop and finish up my work.

I feel a little bad that I actually could have done a better job on the essay and the term paper proposal. Come to think about it, I feel like my term paper proposal doesn't make much sense. Crap. The sinking feeling.

Anyway. It's over and done, so moving on. Yesterday, 2 of my girls and me went to a club's official opening & 1st yr anniversary, and it was quite the experience. On one hand, we had to go because of..let's say, business. haha ;)  And on the other hand, it was really fun. The place was huge. The crowd was, well, not too bad. And we had free drinks from the boss. haha We even got let in easy. ahh perks. Well. Moving on. I had quite the traumatising experience because it is now officially confirmed that Meera attracts only the oddest Indian men.
Either, they pretend to be nice and then mess you up. Or they are just plain odd. Like yesterday. I am not going to go into details because I'm a little too tired to type. But men, when they can't hold their alcohol, and can't stop shutting their gap, really piss me off. Let me relate an incident yesterday. I was standing with my friend, and then I feel a tap on my elbow.

Me: (jumping away,looking at horror at said 29-32 year old man wearing a shirt.)
Him: Beautiful song, right?
Me: uh. yes. (look away)
Him: Yes I agree.
Him: Would you like to dance for this song?
Me: uhm no. (look away)
Him: Ah yes. I agree.
Pause
Him: (taps elbow)
Me: (thinking: crap. stop touching me!!!! turn back with questioning look.)
Him: I said, yes I agree.
Me: (look away and pretend I can't hear anything else he says.)

ARGH. what the hell.
And then one 17r old boy was sending me 'looks' on the dance floor. And then a mystery guy kept popping out of nowhere and just stood around staring at me.
I don't get it. What is wrong with my face?
Does it have a "I-too-am-an-odd-Indian-girl" pasted on my forehead??? damn it.

Well. So that was over. Then headed to a friend's chalet after much cajoling, and my god, danced like mad again, and made a friend, and I tell ya, there were four of us who stuck through the night and we went up to watch the 'sunrise' (which basically amounts to the general lightening of the sky, since I saw no great ball of fire rising from the sea), and we were talking and laughing and laughing so hard, I laughed till I cried and my stomach hurt. It has been so so so long since I really laughed like that. haha.. and this guy told a 'ghost story' which involved mee goreng and which triggered my craving for mee goreng so I dragged the four sweethearts to Changi Village just so I could eat mee goreng. (i just realised I repeated mee goreng thrice in the last sentence.. and now four times. hahaha) had too good a time. Now the idea of work is looming up and its a little scary. Quite scary actually.

So. What I'm going to do now is to take a shower. And start something productive. So maybe this weekend might be a good one too. ;)